Monday, April 5

Thank You, Facebook

The absolute worst part of the whole transition was reinventing my social circle. I had spent the last three years developing awesome friendships with married folks. I don't have much family out here so they became my backbone. They were what helped my body get out of bed. They were so good at it in fact, I was ready to move out of Married-Single Limboland within a matter of weeks.

But where to begin? It was like being the new kid all over again. But this time, I felt more alone than ever. I was one of the last of my single friends to get married so there was hardly anyone I knew that I could call up and go to the movies or lunch or church with. Again, tons of offers from married friends but now our lives were so different. They began talking about their babies and husbands and I had nothing to add or talk about--I mean, besides standing in line at the Social Security Office to get my name changed, calling the bank to change accounts, packing up the rest of the stuff he left, taking down once-beautiful wedding pictures and throwing out old love letters and other mementos--stuff I'm sure woulda been GREAT conversation starters!

So, I spent a lot of those first few transition nights alone. Facebook became my best friend. It had open doors 24/7 and lots of people inside. And I didn't even have to feel alone because no one had to know that I was even there. I could handle sitting on my couch at home by myself but feeling alone in public is one of the worst things the human body can experience in my opinion.

Facebook let me say what I wanted to. It didn't have any expectations of me. It didn't need me to entertain it or carry on a conversation. I didn't have to smile when I saw it. It didn't need me to be interested in wanting to know about its life or what it did for a living or where it was from. Not that I was against doing that kind of stuff with real people it's just that that takes effort, energy, and COURAGE--things I wasn't sure I had back yet.

Facebook made me laugh at funny things people would say. I could comment or, requiring even less, "like" something someone would say and that was that. Not much energy or effort expended there yet it filled my need for laughter and to connect with something.

Facebook also let me stalk profiles of people my married friends wanted to set me up with--a whole new modern-day dating technique that I would soon learn is the norm in today's Singledom. It was the stepping stone to putting myself out there again. I learned how to flirt again through Facebook's chat. I reconnected with single friends and former crushes. I learned how to tell my story to strangers. I was able to stay updated and keep in touch with my married friends yet without having to feel so awkward about being with them as the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel.

As I slowly regained my social energy and began meeting people, I soon found myself adding some of the most awesome people I've ever met. People who make me laugh yet don't need me to entertain them. People who let me say what I want. People who only expect nothing more than for me to be willing to have a good time. People who want me around and who will also be there when I need a shoulder to cry on.

I admit, I probably don't need to use Facebook now as much as I actually do (understatement of the year) but it has certainly been there for me when I needed it.

Thank you, Facebook.


Jessica said...

Kelly, that made me cry. I am so sorry you had to go through all that. I hope things are getting better. I am glad facebook was there when you needed him...her? haha Love you tons!

Rin said...

Kell! Love your that you're writing about this now.

Nicki said...

Welcome back to the blogging world! So glad that you're back! I love reading about your world with your fun sense of humor and candor!

I couldn't agree with you more about FB-- although my circumstances were a bit different, I would definitely say that FB also helped me TREMENDOUSLY to avoid postpartum depression in the months after having our twins. I was so isolated and tied up (feeding, changing diapers, burping, repeat over and over every 45 minutes) and really couldn't handle much else as far as entertaining and socializing with my favorites, but it was a lifesaver to keep me connected and entertained.

Sparklebot said...

It seems like a horrible experience to go through. I'm glad you were able to find a ray of light in the darkness (you always do).

I don't know how anyone dates without the internet.