My Break-Up Playlist

I've noticed a huge change in the older singles' dating scene since last General Conference and I think we've got a good thing going: Seems like everyone is either getting engaged and married or breaking up as opposed to last year when everyone just dated around--the word commitment was a 4-letter word. Even all the breaking up means at least people are giving a real effort in trying to find someone to marry. Still, breaking up isn't easy. Especially if you don't have much closure.

I recently went through a difficult breakup (redundant, I know). I definitely have unanswered questions. I still have things to say. Though I think I understand the events leading to the breakup, it's still confusing and I'm certainly not comfortable with how things ended. But there's not much I can do at this point. I can just let myself feel. I can allow myself to grieve. I can learn from mistakes. I can forgive for hurt and heartaches. I can pick up the pieces of my broken heart and mend it once again. My heart will be a little stronger but I will not make it unbreakable. I refuse to let one broken heart prevent me from getting another one. What's on the other side of a broken heart is much too good to risk missing out on. I will be wiser in my choices as far as who I trust with my heart but I won't be any less open to loving again.

There's something about music that allows me to feel. Sometimes it's pain, sometimes it's regret. Sometimes it's peace, courage and empowerment. Regardless, until closure comes, it's validating to know that I'm not the only one who's felt this way. Here's what's been playing on my iPod:

1. Heartbroken - Meaghan Smith
What's the use in fixing what will only break again?

2. Don't You Forget About Me - Enrique Iglesias
Don't you forget about me baby, someday you'll turn around and ask me, why did I let you go?

3. Smile - Glee Cast
Smile though your heart is aching, smile, even though it's breaking... if you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you.

4. I Wish the Best for You - Emerson Hart
Life gets so confusing when you know what you're losing.

5. Detroit Waves - Matt Nathanson
So, we let it go to start again... If I could change, believe me I would... Detroit waves goodnight.

6. Miss Me - Andy Grammer
Set me up for the falling, gave me no warning you were gone... I believe in my heart when something's wrong, say it's wrong. I can deal with the part when something's wrong if we both stay strong.

7. Love How It Hurts - Scouting for Girls
I've been waiting all my life for someone like you... someone who'll love me the way I loved you. I keep searching and what's worse, now that you're gone, all that's left is the hurt.

8. Rolling in the Deep - Adele
The scars of your love remind me of us, they keep me thinking that we almost had it all.

9. Better in Time - Leona Lewis
See somehow I can't forget you after all that we've been through... Thought I couldn't live without you. It's gonna hurt when it heals too... Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to. It'll all get better in time.

10. Cannonball - Damien Rice
There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth, there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt. It's still a little hard to say what's going on.

11. Breathe Again - Sara Bareilles
Now I'm not the only one facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns... And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view. Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart.

12. Every Little Thing - Dishwalla
I wish I could be every thing you wanted all the time... Don't give me up tonight or soon nothing will be right at all.

13. You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol
And all the things I wish I had not said are played in loops til it's madness in my head. Is it too late to remind you how we were? Most of what I remember makes me sure I shoulda stopped you from walking out the door... You made me happier than I had been by far.

14. I'm Movin' On - Rascal Flatts
I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons, finally content with a past I regret. I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness, for once I'm at peace with myself... I've been trapped in the past for too long. I'm movin' on.

15. Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles
I want to change my mind, I want to be enough, I want the water in my eyes, I want to cry until the end of time. Let the rain come down, make a brand new ground.

16. Distance - Christina Perri
Please don't stand so close to me I'm having trouble breathing. I'm afraid of what you'll see right now. I give you everything I am, all my broken heartbeats until I know you'll understand. And I will make sure to keep my distance, say "I love you" when you're not listening... And I keep waiting for you to take me.

17. The Promise - Tracy Chapman
If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile, then I'll return to you and fill that space in your heart. Remembering your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace, I'll find my way back to you if you'll be waiting... I've longed for you and I have desired to see your face, your smile, to be with you wherever you are.

Returning to Eat, Pray, Love

I have a friend who's going to Thailand to take a meditation course for 3 weeks. I'm a little jealous. It reminded me of how much I loved the book Eat, Pray, Love and how it inspired me in so many ways. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

On Happiness and Choice:
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."

"You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control."

On the Downside of Being an Optimist:
"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."

On Loneliness:
"When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."

On Broken Hearts :
"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be."

"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. "

"In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place."

"People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you."

"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never dared to admit you wanted-an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with a hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy, and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore-- despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have 'that thing' even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is,you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination-- the complete and merciless devaluation of self."

On Soul Mates:
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master."

On Prayer and Faith:
"Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can't even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I'm aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don't have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift."

"Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy."

On What God Says to You:
"I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me. "

Get Your Soup On and Your Groupon!

So I realize this post may be a little out of the norm. I apologize if it disappoints. But I wanted to share with you two things I'm obsessed with lately: Soups and Groupon.

First, you must sign up for Groupon. I don't think I'll ever pay full price for anything again! Okay that may be a little exaggeration but sign up here for Groupon and you'll get great discounts (usually 50% off or more) at local businesses.


And now to share with you a few of my favorite soups I've slurped across lately. First, I'm not a huge Rumbi's fan, but I must say that I've been quite impressed with their salads and this soup: Bahama Mama's Chicken Tortilla Soup. It's a little atypical in that it's made with a touch of coconut milk (which makes it a little too rich to finish a LARGE bowl so go for the medium). At first it's a little different but then it can get pretty addicting. And calorie-wise it's not as bad as I expected. Only 110 calories for the medium size.

Second, another tortilla soup favorite would be Cafe Rio's Famous Tortilla Soup. It's a lot brothier than you'd expect from a tortilla soup but with a huge scoop of jack cheese, guacamole, and a handful of tortilla strips, I don't think you could call it any lighter. It comes with their shredded chicken but I usually ask for 1/2 chicken, 1/2 pork because how can you go to Cafe Rio and NOT get the pork?!

I have to go to Zupa's at least once a month to try their soup of the month. This month it's African Chicken and Peanut Soup. Sounds weird I know and like Bahama Mama's it definitely takes a couple spoonfuls to fall in love with. Get it with a spoonful of peanuts for an extra crunch! Can't wait to try next month's: Caribbean Pumpkin and Coconut. Sounds super healthy, doesn't it? Oh and Zupa's has tons of yummy regulars like Wisconsin Cauliflower (and I don't even LIKE cauliflower), Wild Mushroom Bisque (not a fan of mushrooms either), and Tuscan White Bean and Vegetable (soups like this make me reconsider my dislike for vegetables!).

I'm still in search of a good potato soup. I think my mom kind of destroyed any affection I might have for a restaurant potato soup having raised me on her potato cheese soup (same goes for a good chicken noodle soup). Some may like Corner Bakery's Loaded Baked Potato Soup but there's something off about it for me. I think the closest thing I've ever gotten to liking a potato soup is Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana.

Is it bad that I'm kind of wanting to get sick so I can spend all day every day eating soup?!

Introspecting

I've been thinking a lot about blogging lately. Not like actually blogging something but about the act of blogging. I know some tend to have some pretty strong (negative) opinions about blogs and those who blog but I have been thinking a lot about how good it has been for me. I don't keep a journal. I wish I did. But I can just see myself picking up a journal being forced into journal-writing mode, accounting for all the days' hours and when-and-whereabouts and I just don't get a lot out of rereading that kind of stuff.

Because I know that someone besides me may read my blog, I feel a certain amount of pressure (maybe motivation? maybe both?) to write something meaningful, insightful, entertaining, which stretches me and allows me to explore the depths of my creative mind brushing off cobwebs of the olden days when writing used to be a daily activity--even if it was just for some professor.

A friend of mine told me that he tries to scare himself every day. He looks for ways to get out of his La-Z-Boy recliner, take off his Snuggie®, and do something that takes him beyond his iPadded comfort zone. Writing has always been my Snuggie but blogging makes me feel vulnerable which is definitely not in my circle of comfort zone feelings. What if I write something and someone disagrees? What if I write something and I offend someone? What if I write something and everyone reads it and my thoughts become like graffiti on the wall of a subway station--so public that it loses meaning? What if I write something and no one reads it because no one cares what I think?
It definitely scares me. But fortunately, even if it does something or nothing for anyone else, it forces me to be introspective, which is very rewarding for me.

Gordon B. Hinckley said, "All of us ought to pause once in a while and just stop and think. We are prone to talk too much and do too little. I think it is a wonderful thing to just indulge once in a while in moments of introspection."

So thank you, Modern Technology, for amid all of your devices that distract us from thinking and doing, I've found one that provides me with the opportunity to scare myself, be vulnerable and discover new levels of happiness.

And to those of you who think blogging may be self-serving, self-centered, egotistical and whatever other adjectives you want to pin to it, in some way you actually may be right. And I'm okay with that.

Unplanning Life on Studio 5

If you'd like to read my "Unplanning Life" post featured on Studio 5 today, here's the link.

10 Friends You Need to Have By 30

Another post from frisky.com:

From the time you were in preschool and your mom picked your play dates, you’ve been building relationships with people. And sometimes, when you have things in common and get along with one another, you become friends. You might think that you have enough friends in your life, but really, can you ever have too many? Plus, you never know when you’re going to need a hand saw, so you better have someone in your cell phone who owns one.

1. The Style Guru
Everyone needs someone who can help them figure out which dress is appropriate for “black-tie optional” weddings, and whether you can get away with wearing a green sweater with a red belt. (The answer to the latter is “probably not,” unless you are a Christmas Elf.) Kelly's pick: All my metrosexual guy friends. Which means 89% of my guy friends.

2. The Mr./Ms. Fix-it
You bought a new bike online, but the instructions for putting it together appear to be written in a language you do not speak. It’s time to call the friend who has a knack for building things and owns all the right tools. Kelly's pick: Sean Y. has moved my furniture and fixed more computer issues than Microsoft's Computer Issue Resolution Team. Not sure those people exist but let's thank Sean for allowing me to delight you with blog posts and Facebook updates.

3. The Good-Time Gal
If you’re feeling antsy with nothing to do on a Friday night, call this friend, who is generally up for doing anything at any time. She’ll cook up plans that involve dancing on banquets or singing Madonna’s “Like A Prayer” in the time it takes you to change out of your work clothes and slap on a fresh coat of mascara. Kelly's pick: All my college besties for sure! I just wish Erin R., Jen W., Amanda C., Katie H., or Amy A. lived close by... I'd even take a freakin' NEIGHBORING STATE! I guess for the moment I'll have to be okay with my good-time gal being a guy named Jay E.

4. The Health Nut
During the times when you suddenly decide to start working out or eating food other than take-out and delicacies from the frozen-food aisle, it’s good to have someone who reads every health and fitness magazine and loves to dispense instructions on the proper squat form and to pass along recipes for protein-rich meals. Kelly's pick: Lisa M. is the dietitian extraordinaire. She can make wheat germ and flax seed taste like Oreo cookies and milkshakes!

5. The Ear
You had a sucky day at work and hate everything in your closet. What do you do? Call the friend who will calmly listen to all of your problems and then, at the appropriate time, give you a few pearls of wisdom. Kelly's pick: Sean Y., Susie H., Cousin, and Nate B. would be good ones to mention. But Jennie H. is most definitely the best therapist-friend out there! And she doesn't even charge me!

6. The Do-It-Herselfer
Hemming vintage dresses or whipping up a crème brûlée might not come naturally to you, but with the help of a skillful friend, you’ll develop new talents in no time. Kelly's pick: All my do-it-herselfers live out of state (Amy. A., Ashley H., AZ cousins, etc.). Now accepting applications from Utah residents... you'd think this would be an easy one to fill here.

7. The Culture Guru
If you like the idea of going to see that new up-and-coming band perform, befriend someone who knows who’s playing and what exhibits are on display. Kelly's pick: Wow, another one I'll have to go out of state for: Erin R. I'm starting to think I need to expand my social circle here.

8. The Healthcare Professional
Make friends with a doctor or nurse. Then, when you wake up with ginormous swollen glands, you won’t have to wait for an appointment to get medicine to cure what ails you. Kelly's pick: Dr. David Crockett and my brother even though most times they end up telling me, "You should go see a doctor."

9. The Legal Adviser
We all make mistakes. A need for speed can lead to you getting pulled over, and a lively party might end with a noise violation. If you have a friend who’s a lawyer, at least you won’t be alone when you have to appear in front of a judge. Kelly's pick: Luckily I haven't had to "use" him too many times but if I ever had to appear in front of a judge for doing something like breaking into a deli to steal a meat slicer because who DOESN'T want one of those, I know I'd call Mark H. for help!

10. The Travel Buddy
There are those who like to stay in the same place and find solace in their homes. And there are others who need to get out and explore the world. If you’ve caught the travel bug, find a friend who has it too. It’s way more fun (and much safer) when you share adventures with someone else. Kelly's pick: From beatboxing, game playing, laughing and therapy sessions on frequent road trips to Wendover to discovering our Fight-or-Flight tendancies while spinning out and crashing into a center guardrail on the way to San Francisco, I'd have to choose my best two road trip buddies to be Jay E. and Cousin. I'm just not sure I can say the destinations are better than the trips!

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be...

I thought that by age 30 I'd have life figured out. Or at least I would have figured out what it was that I wanted to do with the rest of my life. When I was little, the first thing I remember wanting to be was a pediatrician because I knew doctors made a lot of money and I knew I liked kids... but really, what 5 year old doesn't like kids? Then my 4th grade teacher inspired me so much that all I wanted to do when I grew up was be a teacher exactly like her. Then I started liking boys and that was the end of wanting to do anything outside of getting married and having kids.

But alas, at almost 30, here I am not married and not having kids wishing that maybe I woulda stuck to some dream of what I wanted to do professionally. Don't get me wrong, I have a great job that I love, just not sure I'd ever choose to do this for the rest of my life.

As it turns out, I'm not the only one who's "undecided" at age 30. I found this list of some pretty famous and successful people who didn't start their pretty famous and successful careers until after reaching the big THREE-OH.

1. This photo is from four years after Stallone broke through.

   Sylvester Stallone, deli counter attendant. After getting no career traction as an actor in his 20s, Stallone attacked his 30's like any 5'8 man should: He wrote a movie where he was an all-American hero with unbelievable success in sports.
   
   That movie was "Rocky." He banged out the "Rocky" screenplay in three days, in between working at a deli counter and as a movie theater usher and it launched his career with an Academy Award for Best Picture.
   
   
2. Andrea Bocelli, lawyer. He'd loved music and singing his whole life but didn't really see (no pun intended) it as a career possibility. So, after school, he got a law degree at the University of Pisa. At age 30 he was working as a lawyer and moonlighting in a piano bar for fun and extra cash. He didn't catch a break as a singer until 1992, at age 34.
   
   
3. Martha Stewart, stockbroker. When she was 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker, no doubt learning all about finance and the ethics involved therein. Two years later she and her husband purchased a beat-down farmhouse in Connecticut, led the restoration, transitioned into a domestic lifestyle, and parlayed that into her evil, evil career.
   
   
4. Mao Tse-Tung, elementary school principal. At age 30, Mao was involved in communism. He was a young star of the Chinese Communist Party but didn't realize it could be a career. (Probably didn't see communism as being very lucrative?)
   
   Instead, he was working as the principal of an elementary school. Where, no doubt, hall passes were decadent. Four years later he started a communist group that eventually became the Red Army and put him in power.
   
   

5. International woman of mystery.

   Julia Child, government spy. Absolutely the wrong career. At age 30, Child wasn't cooking she was working for the U.S. government as a spy. She went on clandestine missions to China and Sri Lanka to get intelligence documents to agents in the field. She didn't enter cooking school until age 36.
   
   How it took until now to make a movie about her life is mind blowing. They made a movie about the life of MC Hammer. They made a sitcom out of the Geico cavemen. I mean someone bought the rights to make a movie out of "Where's Waldo?" You're telling me Waldo's more interesting than female spy-turned-TV cooking superstar? It's "Alias" meets "Top Chef"! Just because Waldo traveled to a bunch of exotic places where he managed to mingle with lots of other people wearing deceptive red-and-white striped shirts doesn't make him movie-worthy.
   
   
6. James Joyce, singing. By 30, Joyce was writing... just not getting published. So to make ends meet he reviewed books, taught and, weirdly, made a lot of money thanks to his gorgeous tenor singing voice.
   
   Joyce finally got his first book, "Dubliners", published at age 32, which launched his career as, arguably, one of the most successful authors of all time.
   
   
7. Colonel Sanders, tons of blue collar jobs. When yes Harland Sanders was turning 30, he was still switching from one career to another: Steamboat pilot, insurance salesman, farmer, railroad fireman, gigolo. He didn't start cooking chicken until he was 40 and didn't start franchising until age 65.
   
   

8. Michael Jordan as a baseball player.

   Michael Jordan, baseball player. At age 30, Michael Jordan was the biggest star in the world, had just led the Chicago Bulls to three straight NBA championships and promptly quit to become a minor league baseball player.
   
   This remains one of the most suspicious moves any celebrity has made in our lifetimes. If this happened today, the Internet would actually blow up with people debating the real reason why Jordan quit.
   
   Anyway, I included this on the list because it shows that even Michael Jordan was still searching for the right career at age 30.
   
   
9. Rodney Dangerfield, aluminum siding salesman. He started doing stand-up at age 19 then gave up on it in his mid-20's. He started working as an acrobatic diver and then as an aluminum siding salesman. He didn't start getting back into comedy until he was 40.
   
   
10. Harrison Ford, carpenter. When Ford was 30, he starred in "American Graffiti"... which was a huge hit. But he got paid a pittance for acting in it, decided he was never going to make it as an actor, and quit the business to get back into the more financially dependable world of construction.
    
    Four years later, he met up with George Lucas again (for those who don't know, Lucas directed "Graffiti") and Lucas cast him as Han Solo.
    
    
11. Jesus, carpenter. At age 30, Jesus finally stopped doing carpentry and started performing miracles. See, Harrison Ford and Jesus have more in common than you'd think.

This post is dedicated to Jay Evans and all my 30-something friends who live their lives passionately yet who are still searching for their life's passion. And a way to get paid for it.