Monday, August 22

My Break-Up Playlist

I've noticed a huge change in the older singles' dating scene since last General Conference and I think we've got a good thing going: Seems like everyone is either getting engaged and married or breaking up as opposed to last year when everyone just dated around--the word commitment was a 4-letter word. Even all the breaking up means at least people are giving a real effort in trying to find someone to marry. Still, breaking up isn't easy. Especially if you don't have much closure.

I recently went through a difficult breakup (redundant, I know). I definitely have unanswered questions. I still have things to say. Though I think I understand the events leading to the breakup, it's still confusing and I'm certainly not comfortable with how things ended. But there's not much I can do at this point. I can just let myself feel. I can allow myself to grieve. I can learn from mistakes. I can forgive for hurt and heartaches. I can pick up the pieces of my broken heart and mend it once again. My heart will be a little stronger but I will not make it unbreakable. I refuse to let one broken heart prevent me from getting another one. What's on the other side of a broken heart is much too good to risk missing out on. I will be wiser in my choices as far as who I trust with my heart but I won't be any less open to loving again.

There's something about music that allows me to feel. Sometimes it's pain, sometimes it's regret. Sometimes it's peace, courage and empowerment. Regardless, until closure comes, it's validating to know that I'm not the only one who's felt this way. Here's what's been playing on my iPod:

1. Heartbroken - Meaghan Smith
What's the use in fixing what will only break again?

2. Don't You Forget About Me - Enrique Iglesias
Don't you forget about me baby, someday you'll turn around and ask me, why did I let you go?

3. Smile - Glee Cast
Smile though your heart is aching, smile, even though it's breaking... if you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you.

4. I Wish the Best for You - Emerson Hart
Life gets so confusing when you know what you're losing.

5. Detroit Waves - Matt Nathanson
So, we let it go to start again... If I could change, believe me I would... Detroit waves goodnight.

6. Miss Me - Andy Grammer
Set me up for the falling, gave me no warning you were gone... I believe in my heart when something's wrong, say it's wrong. I can deal with the part when something's wrong if we both stay strong.

7. Love How It Hurts - Scouting for Girls
I've been waiting all my life for someone like you... someone who'll love me the way I loved you. I keep searching and what's worse, now that you're gone, all that's left is the hurt.

8. Rolling in the Deep - Adele
The scars of your love remind me of us, they keep me thinking that we almost had it all.

9. Better in Time - Leona Lewis
See somehow I can't forget you after all that we've been through... Thought I couldn't live without you. It's gonna hurt when it heals too... Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to. It'll all get better in time.

10. Cannonball - Damien Rice
There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth, there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt. It's still a little hard to say what's going on.

11. Breathe Again - Sara Bareilles
Now I'm not the only one facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns... And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view. Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart.

12. Every Little Thing - Dishwalla
I wish I could be every thing you wanted all the time... Don't give me up tonight or soon nothing will be right at all.

13. You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol
And all the things I wish I had not said are played in loops til it's madness in my head. Is it too late to remind you how we were? Most of what I remember makes me sure I shoulda stopped you from walking out the door... You made me happier than I had been by far.

14. I'm Movin' On - Rascal Flatts
I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons, finally content with a past I regret. I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness, for once I'm at peace with myself... I've been trapped in the past for too long. I'm movin' on.

15. Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles
I want to change my mind, I want to be enough, I want the water in my eyes, I want to cry until the end of time. Let the rain come down, make a brand new ground.

16. Distance - Christina Perri
Please don't stand so close to me I'm having trouble breathing. I'm afraid of what you'll see right now. I give you everything I am, all my broken heartbeats until I know you'll understand. And I will make sure to keep my distance, say "I love you" when you're not listening... And I keep waiting for you to take me.

17. The Promise - Tracy Chapman
If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile, then I'll return to you and fill that space in your heart. Remembering your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace, I'll find my way back to you if you'll be waiting... I've longed for you and I have desired to see your face, your smile, to be with you wherever you are.


sexychoco said...

I like your thoughts...those have been on my playlist this summer as well. Music can be so healing.

M.B.G . . . said...

I recently came across your blog. Outstanding! I appreciate the courage to be so open and honest. I read through some of your other entries. Great writing style and outstanding insights. I have some thoughts I'd like to add, but I don't want to take away from your entries. I graduated in Advertising from BYU as well. What year did you graduate?