Live, Laugh, Learn, Love

My Break-Up Playlist

2011-08-22T08:12:00.001-07:00

I've noticed a huge change in the older singles' dating scene since last General Conference and I think we've got a good thing going: Seems like everyone is either getting engaged and married or breaking up as opposed to last year when everyone just dated around--the word commitment was a 4-letter word. Even all the breaking up means at least people are giving a real effort in trying to find someone to marry. Still, breaking up isn't easy. Especially if you don't have much closure.

I recently went through a difficult breakup (redundant, I know). I definitely have unanswered questions. I still have things to say. Though I think I understand the events leading to the breakup, it's still confusing and I'm certainly not comfortable with how things ended. But there's not much I can do at this point. I can just let myself feel. I can allow myself to grieve. I can learn from mistakes. I can forgive for hurt and heartaches. I can pick up the pieces of my broken heart and mend it once again. My heart will be a little stronger but I will not make it unbreakable. I refuse to let one broken heart prevent me from getting another one. What's on the other side of a broken heart is much too good to risk missing out on. I will be wiser in my choices as far as who I trust with my heart but I won't be any less open to loving again.

There's something about music that allows me to feel. Sometimes it's pain, sometimes it's regret. Sometimes it's peace, courage and empowerment. Regardless, until closure comes, it's validating to know that I'm not the only one who's felt this way. Here's what's been playing on my iPod:

1. Heartbroken - Meaghan Smith
What's the use in fixing what will only break again?

2. Don't You Forget About Me - Enrique Iglesias
Don't you forget about me baby, someday you'll turn around and ask me, why did I let you go?

3. Smile - Glee Cast
Smile though your heart is aching, smile, even though it's breaking... if you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you.

4. I Wish the Best for You - Emerson Hart
Life gets so confusing when you know what you're losing.

5. Detroit Waves - Matt Nathanson
So, we let it go to start again... If I could change, believe me I would... Detroit waves goodnight.

6. Miss Me - Andy Grammer
Set me up for the falling, gave me no warning you were gone... I believe in my heart when something's wrong, say it's wrong. I can deal with the part when something's wrong if we both stay strong.

7. Love How It Hurts - Scouting for Girls
I've been waiting all my life for someone like you... someone who'll love me the way I loved you. I keep searching and what's worse, now that you're gone, all that's left is the hurt.

8. Rolling in the Deep - Adele
The scars of your love remind me of us, they keep me thinking that we almost had it all.

9. Better in Time - Leona Lewis
See somehow I can't forget you after all that we've been through... Thought I couldn't live without you. It's gonna hurt when it heals too... Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to. It'll all get better in time.

10. Cannonball - Damien Rice
There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth, there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt. It's still a little hard to say what's going on.

11. Breathe Again - Sara Bareilles
Now I'm not the only one facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns... And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view. Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart.

12. Every Little Thing - Dishwalla
I wish I could be every thing you wanted all the time... Don't give me up tonight or soon nothing will be right at all.

13. You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol
And all the things I wish I had not said are played in loops til it's madness in my head. Is it too late to remind you how we were? Most of what I remember makes me sure I shoulda stopped you from walking out the door... You made me happier than I had been by far.

14. I'm Movin' On - Rascal Flatts
I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons, finally content with a past I regret. I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness, for once I'm at peace with myself... I've been trapped in the past for too long. I'm movin' on.

15. Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles
I want to change my mind, I want to be enough, I want the water in my eyes, I want to cry until the end of time. Let the rain come down, make a brand new ground.

16. Distance - Christina Perri
Please don't stand so close to me I'm having trouble breathing. I'm afraid of what you'll see right now. I give you everything I am, all my broken heartbeats until I know you'll understand. And I will make sure to keep my distance, say "I love you" when you're not listening... And I keep waiting for you to take me.

17. The Promise - Tracy Chapman
If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile, then I'll return to you and fill that space in your heart. Remembering your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace, I'll find my way back to you if you'll be waiting... I've longed for you and I have desired to see your face, your smile, to be with you wherever you are.

Returning to Eat, Pray, Love

2011-02-25T08:51:00.006-07:00

I have a friend who's going to Thailand to take a meditation course for 3 weeks. I'm a little jealous. It reminded me of how much I loved the book Eat, Pray, Love and how it inspired me in so many ways. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

On Happiness and Choice:
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."

"You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control."

On the Downside of Being an Optimist:
"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."

On Loneliness:
"When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."

On Broken Hearts :
"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be."

"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. "

"In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place."

"People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you."

"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never dared to admit you wanted-an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with a hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy, and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore-- despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have 'that thing' even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is,you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination-- the complete and merciless devaluation of self."

On Soul Mates:
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master."

On Prayer and Faith:
"Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can't even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I'm aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don't have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift."

"Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy."

On What God Says to You:
"I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me. "

Get Your Soup On and Your Groupon!

2010-10-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

So I realize this post may be a little out of the norm. I apologize if it disappoints. But I wanted to share with you two things I'm obsessed with lately: Soups and Groupon.

First, you must sign up for Groupon. I don't think I'll ever pay full price for anything again! Okay that may be a little exaggeration but sign up here for Groupon and you'll get great discounts (usually 50% off or more) at local businesses.

And now to share with you a few of my favorite soups I've slurped across lately. First, I'm not a huge Rumbi's fan, but I must say that I've been quite impressed with their salads and this soup: Bahama Mama's Chicken Tortilla Soup. It's a little atypical in that it's made with a touch of coconut milk (which makes it a little too rich to finish a LARGE bowl so go for the medium). At first it's a little different but then it can get pretty addicting. And calorie-wise it's not as bad as I expected. Only 110 calories for the medium size.

Second, another tortilla soup favorite would be Cafe Rio's Famous Tortilla Soup. It's a lot brothier than you'd expect from a tortilla soup but with a huge scoop of jack cheese, guacamole, and a handful of tortilla strips, I don't think you could call it any lighter. It comes with their shredded chicken but I usually ask for 1/2 chicken, 1/2 pork because how can you go to Cafe Rio and NOT get the pork?!

I have to go to Zupa's at least once a month to try their soup of the month. This month it's African Chicken and Peanut Soup. Sounds weird I know and like Bahama Mama's it definitely takes a couple spoonfuls to fall in love with. Get it with a spoonful of peanuts for an extra crunch! Can't wait to try next month's: Caribbean Pumpkin and Coconut. Sounds super healthy, doesn't it? Oh and Zupa's has tons of yummy regulars like Wisconsin Cauliflower (and I don't even LIKE cauliflower), Wild Mushroom Bisque (not a fan of mushrooms either), and Tuscan White Bean and Vegetable (soups like this make me reconsider my dislike for vegetables!).

I'm still in search of a good potato soup. I think my mom kind of destroyed any affection I might have for a restaurant potato soup having raised me on her potato cheese soup (same goes for a good chicken noodle soup). Some may like Corner Bakery's Loaded Baked Potato Soup but there's something off about it for me. I think the closest thing I've ever gotten to liking a potato soup is Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana.

Is it bad that I'm kind of wanting to get sick so I can spend all day every day eating soup?!

Introspecting

2010-09-14T13:14:00.011-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about blogging lately. Not like actually blogging something but about the act of blogging. I know some tend to have some pretty strong (negative) opinions about blogs and those who blog but I have been thinking a lot about how good it has been for me. I don't keep a journal. I wish I did. But I can just see myself picking up a journal being forced into journal-writing mode, accounting for all the days' hours and when-and-whereabouts and I just don't get a lot out of rereading that kind of stuff.

Because I know that someone besides me may read my blog, I feel a certain amount of pressure (maybe motivation? maybe both?) to write something meaningful, insightful, entertaining, which stretches me and allows me to explore the depths of my creative mind brushing off cobwebs of the olden days when writing used to be a daily activity--even if it was just for some professor.

A friend of mine told me that he tries to scare himself every day. He looks for ways to get out of his La-Z-Boy recliner, take off his Snuggie®, and do something that takes him beyond his iPadded comfort zone. Writing has always been my Snuggie but blogging makes me feel vulnerable which is definitely not in my circle of comfort zone feelings. What if I write something and someone disagrees? What if I write something and I offend someone? What if I write something and everyone reads it and my thoughts become like graffiti on the wall of a subway station--so public that it loses meaning? What if I write something and no one reads it because no one cares what I think?
It definitely scares me. But fortunately, even if it does something or nothing for anyone else, it forces me to be introspective, which is very rewarding for me.

Gordon B. Hinckley said, "All of us ought to pause once in a while and just stop and think. We are prone to talk too much and do too little. I think it is a wonderful thing to just indulge once in a while in moments of introspection."

So thank you, Modern Technology, for amid all of your devices that distract us from thinking and doing, I've found one that provides me with the opportunity to scare myself, be vulnerable and discover new levels of happiness.

And to those of you who think blogging may be self-serving, self-centered, egotistical and whatever other adjectives you want to pin to it, in some way you actually may be right. And I'm okay with that.

Unplanning Life on Studio 5

2010-09-03T10:22:00.002-07:00

If you'd like to read my "Unplanning Life" post featured on Studio 5 today, here's the link.

10 Friends You Need to Have By 30

2010-06-09T12:18:00.002-07:00

Another post from frisky.com:

From the time you were in preschool and your mom picked your play dates, you’ve been building relationships with people. And sometimes, when you have things in common and get along with one another, you become friends. You might think that you have enough friends in your life, but really, can you ever have too many? Plus, you never know when you’re going to need a hand saw, so you better have someone in your cell phone who owns one.

1. The Style Guru
Everyone needs someone who can help them figure out which dress is appropriate for “black-tie optional” weddings, and whether you can get away with wearing a green sweater with a red belt. (The answer to the latter is “probably not,” unless you are a Christmas Elf.) Kelly's pick: All my metrosexual guy friends. Which means 89% of my guy friends.

2. The Mr./Ms. Fix-it
You bought a new bike online, but the instructions for putting it together appear to be written in a language you do not speak. It’s time to call the friend who has a knack for building things and owns all the right tools. Kelly's pick: Sean Y. has moved my furniture and fixed more computer issues than Microsoft's Computer Issue Resolution Team. Not sure those people exist but let's thank Sean for allowing me to delight you with blog posts and Facebook updates.

3. The Good-Time Gal
If you’re feeling antsy with nothing to do on a Friday night, call this friend, who is generally up for doing anything at any time. She’ll cook up plans that involve dancing on banquets or singing Madonna’s “Like A Prayer” in the time it takes you to change out of your work clothes and slap on a fresh coat of mascara. Kelly's pick: All my college besties for sure! I just wish Erin R., Jen W., Amanda C., Katie H., or Amy A. lived close by... I'd even take a freakin' NEIGHBORING STATE! I guess for the moment I'll have to be okay with my good-time gal being a guy named Jay E.

4. The Health Nut
During the times when you suddenly decide to start working out or eating food other than take-out and delicacies from the frozen-food aisle, it’s good to have someone who reads every health and fitness magazine and loves to dispense instructions on the proper squat form and to pass along recipes for protein-rich meals. Kelly's pick: Lisa M. is the dietitian extraordinaire. She can make wheat germ and flax seed taste like Oreo cookies and milkshakes!

5. The Ear
You had a sucky day at work and hate everything in your closet. What do you do? Call the friend who will calmly listen to all of your problems and then, at the appropriate time, give you a few pearls of wisdom. Kelly's pick: Sean Y., Susie H., Cousin, and Nate B. would be good ones to mention. But Jennie H. is most definitely the best therapist-friend out there! And she doesn't even charge me!

6. The Do-It-Herselfer
Hemming vintage dresses or whipping up a crème brûlée might not come naturally to you, but with the help of a skillful friend, you’ll develop new talents in no time. Kelly's pick: All my do-it-herselfers live out of state (Amy. A., Ashley H., AZ cousins, etc.). Now accepting applications from Utah residents... you'd think this would be an easy one to fill here.

7. The Culture Guru
If you like the idea of going to see that new up-and-coming band perform, befriend someone who knows who’s playing and what exhibits are on display. Kelly's pick: Wow, another one I'll have to go out of state for: Erin R. I'm starting to think I need to expand my social circle here.

8. The Healthcare Professional
Make friends with a doctor or nurse. Then, when you wake up with ginormous swollen glands, you won’t have to wait for an appointment to get medicine to cure what ails you. Kelly's pick: Dr. David Crockett and my brother even though most times they end up telling me, "You should go see a doctor."

9. The Legal Adviser
We all make mistakes. A need for speed can lead to you getting pulled over, and a lively party might end with a noise violation. If you have a friend who’s a lawyer, at least you won’t be alone when you have to appear in front of a judge. Kelly's pick: Luckily I haven't had to "use" him too many times but if I ever had to appear in front of a judge for doing something like breaking into a deli to steal a meat slicer because who DOESN'T want one of those, I know I'd call Mark H. for help!

10. The Travel Buddy
There are those who like to stay in the same place and find solace in their homes. And there are others who need to get out and explore the world. If you’ve caught the travel bug, find a friend who has it too. It’s way more fun (and much safer) when you share adventures with someone else. Kelly's pick: From beatboxing, game playing, laughing and therapy sessions on frequent road trips to Wendover to discovering our Fight-or-Flight tendancies while spinning out and crashing into a center guardrail on the way to San Francisco, I'd have to choose my best two road trip buddies to be Jay E. and Cousin. I'm just not sure I can say the destinations are better than the trips!

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be...

2010-06-03T12:00:00.002-07:00

I thought that by age 30 I'd have life figured out. Or at least I would have figured out what it was that I wanted to do with the rest of my life. When I was little, the first thing I remember wanting to be was a pediatrician because I knew doctors made a lot of money and I knew I liked kids... but really, what 5 year old doesn't like kids? Then my 4th grade teacher inspired me so much that all I wanted to do when I grew up was be a teacher exactly like her. Then I started liking boys and that was the end of wanting to do anything outside of getting married and having kids.

But alas, at almost 30, here I am not married and not having kids wishing that maybe I woulda stuck to some dream of what I wanted to do professionally. Don't get me wrong, I have a great job that I love, just not sure I'd ever choose to do this for the rest of my life.

As it turns out, I'm not the only one who's "undecided" at age 30. I found this list of some pretty famous and successful people who didn't start their pretty famous and successful careers until after reaching the big THREE-OH.

This photo is from four years after Stallone broke through.
Sylvester Stallone, deli counter attendant. After getting no career traction as an actor in his 20s, Stallone attacked his 30's like any 5'8 man should: He wrote a movie where he was an all-American hero with unbelievable success in sports.

That movie was "Rocky." He banged out the "Rocky" screenplay in three days, in between working at a deli counter and as a movie theater usher and it launched his career with an Academy Award for Best Picture.
Andrea Bocelli, lawyer. He'd loved music and singing his whole life but didn't really see (no pun intended) it as a career possibility. So, after school, he got a law degree at the University of Pisa. At age 30 he was working as a lawyer and moonlighting in a piano bar for fun and extra cash. He didn't catch a break as a singer until 1992, at age 34.
Martha Stewart, stockbroker. When she was 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker, no doubt learning all about finance and the ethics involved therein. Two years later she and her husband purchased a beat-down farmhouse in Connecticut, led the restoration, transitioned into a domestic lifestyle, and parlayed that into her evil, evil career.
Mao Tse-Tung, elementary school principal. At age 30, Mao was involved in communism. He was a young star of the Chinese Communist Party but didn't realize it could be a career. (Probably didn't see communism as being very lucrative?)

Instead, he was working as the principal of an elementary school. Where, no doubt, hall passes were decadent. Four years later he started a communist group that eventually became the Red Army and put him in power.
International woman of mystery.
Julia Child, government spy. Absolutely the wrong career. At age 30, Child wasn't cooking she was working for the U.S. government as a spy. She went on clandestine missions to China and Sri Lanka to get intelligence documents to agents in the field. She didn't enter cooking school until age 36.

How it took until now to make a movie about her life is mind blowing. They made a movie about the life of MC Hammer. They made a sitcom out of the Geico cavemen. I mean someone bought the rights to make a movie out of "Where's Waldo?" You're telling me Waldo's more interesting than female spy-turned-TV cooking superstar? It's "Alias" meets "Top Chef"! Just because Waldo traveled to a bunch of exotic places where he managed to mingle with lots of other people wearing deceptive red-and-white striped shirts doesn't make him movie-worthy.
James Joyce, singing. By 30, Joyce was writing... just not getting published. So to make ends meet he reviewed books, taught and, weirdly, made a lot of money thanks to his gorgeous tenor singing voice.

Joyce finally got his first book, "Dubliners", published at age 32, which launched his career as, arguably, one of the most successful authors of all time.
Colonel Sanders, tons of blue collar jobs. When yes Harland Sanders was turning 30, he was still switching from one career to another: Steamboat pilot, insurance salesman, farmer, railroad fireman, gigolo. He didn't start cooking chicken until he was 40 and didn't start franchising until age 65.
Michael Jordan as a baseball player.
Michael Jordan, baseball player. At age 30, Michael Jordan was the biggest star in the world, had just led the Chicago Bulls to three straight NBA championships and promptly quit to become a minor league baseball player.

This remains one of the most suspicious moves any celebrity has made in our lifetimes. If this happened today, the Internet would actually blow up with people debating the real reason why Jordan quit.

Anyway, I included this on the list because it shows that even Michael Jordan was still searching for the right career at age 30.
Rodney Dangerfield, aluminum siding salesman. He started doing stand-up at age 19 then gave up on it in his mid-20's. He started working as an acrobatic diver and then as an aluminum siding salesman. He didn't start getting back into comedy until he was 40.
Harrison Ford, carpenter. When Ford was 30, he starred in "American Graffiti"... which was a huge hit. But he got paid a pittance for acting in it, decided he was never going to make it as an actor, and quit the business to get back into the more financially dependable world of construction.

Four years later, he met up with George Lucas again (for those who don't know, Lucas directed "Graffiti") and Lucas cast him as Han Solo.
Jesus, carpenter. At age 30, Jesus finally stopped doing carpentry and started performing miracles. See, Harrison Ford and Jesus have more in common than you'd think.

This post is dedicated to Jay Evans and all my 30-something friends who live their lives passionately yet who are still searching for their life's passion. And a way to get paid for it.

What Others Have Done by Age 30

2010-06-01T15:10:00.001-07:00

I don't mean to depress you near 30-somethings but actually I've found this to be quite inspiring. Success is achievable at any age and we're all on the road to it--some just drive faster while others may have more red lights!

By the way, this is a fun website where you can enter how old you are and see what others have accomplished at your age.

By age 20:

Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard and co-founded Microsoft.
Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein.
Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice, her second and most famous novel.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning published her first volume of poetry.
Charles Lindbergh learned to fly.

19th century composer Franz Schubert wrote nearly 200 songs (including two of his best songs), 3 masses, 3 symphonies, and a great deal of piano and chamber music before turning 19.
By 18, Billy the Kid was charged with twelve murders.
At age 15, Albert Einstein, with poor grades in geography, history and languages, dropped out of school. At age 17, he wrote an essay containing the beginnings of the special theory of relativity. In it, Einstein showed that time and motion are relative to the observer. By 30 he discovered that E = mc(squared) and the Theory of Relativity.
American sharpshooter Annie Oakley challenged and defeated the well-known marksman Frank Butler, whom she later married. She could hit a dime in mid-air from 90 feet.
Louis Braille, blind since age 3, improved the method of raised writing.
Inventor Thomas Alva Edison became manager of a telegraph office.
Ansel Adams took his first photograph with a Kodak box brownie camera, expecting to capture the beauty of Yosemite. Disappointed in the results, he persuaded the owner of a photofinishing plant to take him on as an apprentice.
At 12, Joan of Arc heard what she believed to be celestial voices. In time she convinced the Dauphin that she had a divine mission to save France, and she eventually turned the Hundred Years' War in France's favor.

By age 25:

College dropout Steven Jobs co-founded Apple Computer.
By 22, Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget received his Ph.D., published 20 articles, and wrote a philosophical novel that outlined many of the issues he would explore during his career.
Olympic runner Herbert James Elliott, ranked by many as the greatest mile runner ever, retired undefeated at 22.
Orson Welles produced and performed his "War of the Worlds" radio broadcast, terrifying millions of people. He also got his face on the cover of Time Magazine.
Jack Nicklaus became the youngest golfer to win the Masters.
Ted Turner took over his father's billboard advertising business. He later launched CNN.
Tracy Chapman released her first album, winning three Grammies.
Charles Chaplin had appeared in 35 films.
P. T. Barnum bought a "160-year-old" slave woman and began a career in show business.
Joseph Smith founded the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Physician Roger Bannister broke the four minute mile. As he collapsed unconscious into the arms of his trainer, the loudspeaker announced, "The time was three..." The uproar of the fans drowned out the rest of the announcement.

By age 30:

Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin, revolutionizing the economies of the United States and Britain.
Napoleon Bonaparte conquered Italy.
Scottish-born inventor Alexander Graham Bell transmitted the first complete sentence by telephone.
Danish novelist Hans Christian Andersen published his book of fairy tales.
Donald Trump persuaded bankers to lend him $80 million so he could buy the Commodore Hotel.
Bill Gates became a billionaire.
John Wayne had already appeared in 76 movies.
Michelangelo finished the statue of David.
Michael Jordan won his third NBA title, led the Dream Team to the gold medal in the ’92 Olympics, already named NBA MVP three times and led the league in scoring seven times.
Joseph led the Children of Israel out of Egypt.

Why 30 Will Knock My Socks Off

2010-05-27T15:31:00.007-07:00

I still feel like I'm at the beginning of the first hill on a roller coaster--arms up, anticipation growing by the second, not sure when I should start holding my breath, and excited about the downhill slopes, loops and spirals that await me. When I was younger, I kinda always pictured 30 as old and nearing the end of the ride--still fun but with smaller hills and thrills and just kind of comfortably coasting along. But the older I get, the more I realize that we don't just ride the ride, we create it. So here's to making my own roller-coaster and deciding when I get to start feeling old!

30 Reasons Why Turning 30 is Gonna Rock:

I get to check a new age group box on forms.
I get to say, “I remember when I was in my 20's...”
I still have 2 years to prepare for what Good Morning America considers to be the ideal age for a woman to get married (which also happens to be the age at which a woman reaches her sexual peak... hmm, coincidence?).
I have stopped trying to find myself and started creating myself.
I can write my age as "XXX" in Roman Numerals.
The Mishna Brura explains that a 30-year-old is "humble and broken-hearted, and can pray sincerely from the heart."
I can run for Congress and in 5 years, I can run for President.
It is more exciting to say “I am 30″ than “I am 29 or 31.″
I can celebrate BIG for this birthday... which means bigger presents too, right??
"I may be thirty, but I'll always be flirty." - Dane Peddigrew
Old enough to gamble, young enough to make 3-hour midweek trips to do so even when I have to be at work at 8 the following morning.
Getting hit on by 25-year old men never felt so good.
Getting a traffic ticket doesn't mean I have to live on Top Ramen for a couple months. Being 30 means not having to live paycheck to paycheck or donate plasma in order to go to a Backstreet Boys concert.
I can get discounts on purchasing hair dye in bulk for the 6-week reapplication to cover grays.
I am still young and healthy enough to get pretty good deals on life insurance.
All the life lessons I learned in my 20's, I can now apply to my life.
Don’t have to worry about being 30 because I just AM.
Peak age for body building is early to mid-thirties which means I still have time to achieve top physical condition.
"The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits." - Hervey Allen
30 is the new 20.
Rashbam explains that at age 30 one is "worthy of leadership."
People naturally take you more seriously when you are in your 30's.
I can reminisce with others my age about how much more fabulous movies, music, and television cartoons were in the 80's.
I have the option of whether or not I want to live with roommates.
"Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty." - Robert Frost
I am okay with declining dates with guys I know I have no interest in.
The Talmud declares: "At age 30, one receives strength."
Instead of stressing about acne, I can stress about wrinkles and gray hair.
"Everything I know I learned after I was thirty". - Georges Clemenceau
There is only one option to not turning 30, that is death. I say, “Welcome 30!”

Ode to 29

2010-05-25T11:18:00.008-07:00

In trying to think of something to continue blog about because 1) I think writing is good for me and 2) since they took Facebook away at work, there's nothing else to do during down-times, I thought I should focus on the future for a bit instead of reflecting on the past. So enjoy these next few posts on turning 30.

Believe it or not, I'm actually excited to turn 30. I just don't like saying it out loud. It doesn't feel like it fits me. The color orange fits me. Northern California fits me. Being an EFY counselor fits me. Monkeys fit me. Playing games fit me. Curly hair fits me. Dinner parties fit me. Freckles fit me. The Infiniti FX fits me (though I still have yet to own one). A double-scoop ice cream cone from Baskin Robbins fits me. But 30? Let's just say one of these things is not like the other, one of these just doesn't belong. Twenty-nine fits a lot better than thirty. I like hyphenated ages.

I have 29 days left of being 29. This year's been good to me and I will certainly miss it when it's gone. And I think it gets ignored way too much because the moment someone turns 29, all they can talk about is 30. So in my attempt to appreciate 29, here's a fun fact ode to you (because fun facts also fit me):

The atomic number of copper is 29 and in my opinion, a much prettier metal than zinc (30). Plus, I served my mission in Chile, home to the largest copper reserves in the world and I currently live 30 minutes from the largest man-made copper mine. I know, it's fascinating how I keep ending up near copper.
It takes 29 years for Saturn to revolve around the sun. If I lived on Saturn, I would be celebrating my first birthday. I would totally be up for eating cake with my hands again!
I'm a big fan of the night sky and I love being able to enjoy a full moon every 29 days.
I learned first-hand this year that 29% of all driving accidents involve cell phone use. The repairs from the accident cost $2,900. The two "29" lessons learned here will probably end up saving my life multiple times.
I pretty much thought that the skull was one large bone. It's not. It's made up of 29 bones. If there was one thing I couldn't live without, I'd say it would be my skull.
2009 was the last year I was able to look at the first and last number of the year and say that's how old I am (well, for half the year anyway).
In my 29th year, I experienced over 75 things I've never experienced before. It brought me the highest highs and the lowest lows and without the wisdom gained from 29, I think I'd be rather afraid to turn 30.

Some Final Thoughts, Part 1

2010-05-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

So the month of reflection has come and gone. Okay that's a lie. I will still have occasional lapses of reflection and self-discovery, I just may not be blogging about them. I want to thank you all for reading and for the support that you've given me over the last month through emails and conversations and blog comments. More importantly, thank you for the love you've shared with me over the last year. It's been quite the journey and one I feel indeed grateful for!

Someone once said, "Everyone should experience a divorce once."

You're kidding, right?

"You may think it’s absurd now, but you will see what I mean. You will learn things about yourself and about others. You will learn how to appreciate the other person in your life more. You will relearn things you thought you already knew and your perspective will change.”

So I present to you, my dear faithful blog readers, a few things I've learned and how my perspective has changed:

I've learned that taking care of myself should be top priority. It sounds twisted I know, especially after being taught to "lose yourself in the service of others." When I began to reevaluate those teachings, I learned that we often skip over the selfish-sounding parts. For example, we read "love thy neighbor" but skip the last part of that scripture that says "as thyself." We cannot sufficiently love our neighbors if we aren't loving ourselves. I started to suffer physically, emotionally, and spiritually because I was focusing so much time and energy in trying to make the marriage work that I lost sight of trying to make me work.

With that said, I've learned that the most important relationship in a marriage is the relationship between me and God. Again, I spent far too much time reading books about how to be a good wife and how to have a happy marriage instead of the time I could have spent on my knees and reading scriptures. I know that sounds so cliche but even with all the self- and relationship-help knowledge in the world, there is still only so much you can do.

For one of my class assignments, I attended a support group that implemented the 12-step program. The first three steps involved admitting that we are powerless before God, acknowledging that He can restore all things, and deciding to turn our life and will over to his care. I didn't accept the principles immediately because it made me feel as weak as I feel on day 5 of a no-sugar diet walking into work and seeing that they're having a dessert buffet to celebrate everyone's birthdays for the month. I am absolutely powerless when it comes to celebrating birthdays. Or free dessert--I haven't really been able to distinguish between the two. But the more I learned to trust the process, I quickly discovered that all of my efforts to control my life weren't producing the outcomes I wanted (see also my "Unplanning Life" post). Paradoxically, I never experienced more strength and freedom than I did the moment I accepted my own powerlessness. All that broken-heart and contrite spirit talk finally made sense to me. It was teaching me to be humble so I could accept God's power to heal all things in my life.

The wisdom gained here led me to realize that it's okay for life to be messy. Based on the normal conditions of my room, my mom would probably be shocked to hear that I don't like my life to be messy. When I get to a trial that seems to upset the flow of things, I quickly accept it as a challenge to overcome or a problem to solve--or in this analogy, a mess to clean up. I've discovered though that in trusting God, we also must trust his timing. I learned to let go and allow myself to accept an otherwise messy situation, realizing that God has already accounted for a housekeeper with the Handi Wipes and Swiffer Sweepers to clean up the mess that sometimes we need to live with for a while to learn the lessons of faith, patience, love, forgiveness, and accepting the agency of others.

To be continued...

Some Final Thoughts, Part 2

2010-05-13T13:33:00.007-07:00

And the final portion of my final thoughts...

I've learned that a marriage needs to be an equal partnership. Growing up Mormon can be difficult when you are surrounded by so many examples of amazing wives and mothers. I was anticipating my Florence Henderson transformation the moment after we said our "I do's," but somehow I didn't find the magic transformation potion in any of our wedding presents. We were both working and going to school full-time and as a new wife, I felt like I had to have home-cooked meals every night, a packed lunch ready to go every morning, all the laundry done, bills paid, house cleaned, grocery shopping done, homework completed, callings magnified, and be ready for some sweet married lovin' by bedtime. I had no idea how absolutely absurd and unrealistic my own expectations were. But I still attempted to do everything which made the marriage extremely unbalanced--and at no fault of his. I just signed up for every task because I had some silly image in my head that I needed to do it all. It took a good year or so to realize that it was okay to let some things on my to-do list go unchecked and it was even okay to tear that list in two and give half of it to him. He was content having much less of the perfect world that I seemed to believe marriage was supposed to be. But he was also more than willing to help me make it perfect had I just asked him. Hmm, asking for help. I won't write about that yet since I haven't quite learned that lesson.

I've learned that it's okay to be divorced. I dreaded being slapped with the d-label. Although divorcees are technically single, society is very careful to not let them stand under the single umbrella. Surveys, documents, and almost every form I've filled out asks me to check single, married, or divorced. It made me feel like such a failure. It made me feel like I just got back one of my college biology tests, one that I struggled to complete, that I thought I did okay on, only to get a big fat "F" written with red marker right there on the front page. Okay so maybe they don't really do that in college but those were the only tests I ever failed and that's the way getting those test results always made me feel. When I started to share my story, however, it was shocking to me how many impressive married couples--the "it" couples who had it all--had previously come from a divorce. It renewed my hope in finding love again and it gave me a sense of peace that it was okay to be divorced.

I've learned that it's okay to be single. One of my only complaints about going to BYU was the immense pressure I felt to get married. Among my peers I was voted the first to get hitched and secretly (okay, not so secretly) I wanted to live up to the challenge... hence one of the reasons I chose to go to the Largest Mormon Dating Pool South of Heaven. But I wish I would have taken a few years to learn how much fun being single is. I had a need to be loved in a way that I thought I could only get in a serious relationship. Well let's be honest, I still have that need but it's almost as if faith in the Lord's timing has replaced the intensity of that desire. One afternoon I was at the temple and one of the workers started talking to me and telling me how beautiful I was and how my husband is a lucky man. I told her I was flattered but I wasn't married. I told her I had recently been divorced and jokingly said that I was looking for a man and thought I might run into a good one at the temple. I guess my joke wasn't that funny because she pierced me with a serious gaze and said, "Do not look for a man. Prepare yourself and he will find you. Trust in the Lord's timing." Years of my mom telling me the same thing and it didn't click til this stranger said it. I'm just hoping by "prepare yourself" she meant have as much fun as you possibly can squeeze into your life cause that's what I've been doing!

Though I don't believe that everyone needs to go through a divorce to learn these lessons, for me it was definitely a refiner's fire and one that has led me to discover things that I don't know I would have ever learned--or been humble enough to learn--had I not gone through a marriage that didn't work.

I feel like I finally have an idea of who I am. I know how to communicate. I know how I need to be loved. I know how to apologize and I know how to accept an apology. I know how to forgive. I've learned how to love myself. I've learned how to see the other person's perspective. I know it's more important what's right than who's right. I've learned that just because I do things differently, doesn't mean that my way is the right way to do things, or even that there is a right way. I know how to be independent. I know how to let go. I know how to let myself be cared for. I've learned that the only person I can change is myself. I know how to be selfless. I've learned how to love even when it's hard to. And I continue to learn how to trust in God because it is through Him all things--especially love, marriage, and happily ever afters--are possible.

Things I Loved About My Marriage

2010-04-21T07:20:00.021-07:00

If you guys can't make it, is there hope for any of us?

To many, we were the perfect couple. We were always seen together, we talked openly about how much we loved the other, we always won the newlywed games because we knew each other so well, we were never caught fighting or rolling our eyes at each other or saying anything negative about one another, and we always sat next to each other, held hands or were touching each other in some way. News of the divorce was a shock to many.

There are many reasons why our marriage failed but there were also many things that we did well. I even told our marriage counselor the day before the Decision that I didn't feel like our marriage warranted a divorce. And I know had there been kids involved or any ounce of desire on his part to work on things, we'd most likely still be together. I know it was the best decision to split but looking back, there really was a lot that worked for us. I've discovered that you can learn from both the good and the bad, and so, as odd as it may sound, here's my list of things I loved about my marriage:

1. Communication
When there was a problem, we talked about it. When someone got hurt, we discussed what happened. We talked about what we needed from each other. We talked about insecurities and fears as well as hopes and dreams. If anything, it was that we talked too much about stuff and made bigger problems out of small ones but I'm focusing on the good so I won't go there.

2. Comforting
One night when I was particularly hurt over something and I just wanted to cry myself to sleep, he just sat there and held me. Then he started talking about all of our favorite memories together like our first date and how he ended up pantsless with me wiping his butt because he had sat in Cafe Rio dressing trying to stop the truck from rolling down the hill while we were stargazing in the back. I not only stopped crying but I started to laugh again. It was perfect.

3. Physical Touch
I had never been huge into touching people or showing affection--just wasn't part of my nature. I learned to love touching, hand holding, hugging, back scratching, spooning, cuddling, playing with hair, any kind of physical touch. It was touch that bound us together even during times when we may have been somewhat emotionally distant.

4. Expectations
My cousin Julie told us that we should start each day by asking one another, "What are your expectations for today?" I can't tell you what amazing things that one sentence does. There wasn't much opportunity to let each other down or be disappointed when expectations were clear and talked about.

5. Budget-Friendly Fun
We were committed to staying out of debt and knew that in order to do so we had to limit our entertainment spending. We spent one night writing down a ton of things we could do for under $5 and put them in a jar. Each night that we had to spend together we'd draw a slip of paper and do whatever it had written on it--from dying someone's hair to playing on the merry-go-round at the park to baking someone cookies and delivering them. I never knew how much fun nearly-free could be!

6. Agreeableness
Some say that fighting in a marriage is a good way to measure how much love is present, meaning that if two people fight, they do it because they love each other. Though fighting may be indicative of strong emotions, I don't agree with the unspoken implied statement that if there isn't fighting, there isn't much love. We hardly ever fought. There were just few things we disagreed on... okay and maybe it had a teeny bit to do with him being so agreeable and me having strong opinions but still, when we would disagree, we were able to talk it out without raising our voices and there was never any name-calling. It was refreshing to have so much peace in our home.

7. Romance
Boxes of notes, flowers, mixed CD's, cards, paintings, home-cooked dinners, opening doors for each other, decorating cars, homemade gifts, adventurous dates, surprise parties... it seemed like we were always trying to one-up each other when it came to demonstrations of love. It was exhilarating.

8. Gratitude
Every once in a while we'd be cuddling and one of us would start a thankful session where we'd take turns saying what we appreciated about the other person. We'd go back and forth usually until someone fell asleep. It was so easy to forget the bad when focusing on so much good.

9. Social Hub
We made our house a home and welcomed friends and family to visit often. I love our home and what we made it represent. I love that we were known as the social glue among our married friends and that everyone could count on having a good time at our place.

10. Togetherness
If one of us signed up to clean the church, we were both there... and neither of us had to talk the other into doing it either. We wanted to be with each other. I can only think of one time he did something without me--he went snowboarding and I didn't go simply because I didn't know how to snowboard and we didn't have the money at the time for me to learn. We really liked being with each other.

11. Support
We only talked to family or close friends about relationship problems when we were looking for an outside opinion on things. We never got involved in spouse-bashing. We hardly ever said anything negative about the other person and if we ever found ourselves having to take sides between us and family/friends, we'd always back each other first.

Postscript:
Upon talking to a friend about this post he commented, "I'm not sure if I feel bad for you having gone through what you did or jealous that you experienced something that I long for." It was humbling to hear it put that way because from both perspectives I feel so blessed and indeed have learned that without the darkness I would not have been able to appreciate the light.

High on Love

2010-04-19T08:03:00.011-07:00

I haven't learned how to explain this well in a way people understand. They seem confused when I tell them that my divorce was one of the most spiritual experiences I've ever had. It was. I had countless, COUNTLESS tender mercies and miracles graciously given to me.

I think most of us are guilty from time to time questioning, "Why me?" when experiencing hardships but I didn't consider what I was going through hard at all. In fact, it was quite the opposite. And yet I still found myself questioning, why me? Why was my experience so seemingly easy when it seemed like so many other much better people suffer the consequences for so much longer? I felt guilty for feeling so happy. I was embarrassed to talk to people who I knew had had tougher experiences. I even went to our marriage counselor asking him what was wrong with me, why hadn't this process been harder, was there something I was missing? He told me that there are quite a few who feel similarly, like a huge weight has been lifted off their shoulders.

For me it wasn't really like a weight had been lifted. It was more like a weight had been lifted and I had been shot up 10,000 feet into the air and now was walking on clouds. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there is a divorce out there that can be called easy or consequence-less. There have been many painful moments and hard lessons to learn that I continue to experience because of the divorce. But during this time, I had never before felt closer to God or more secure in my relationship with him. I felt protected. I felt strengthened. I felt like he had picked me up off the downtrodden thorn-and-thistle-filled earth, cradled me in his arms and was holding me like a baby.

When life feels that good especially when you're expecting the complete opposite, it's hard not to expect things to quickly take a downturn. But I soon forced myself to stop anticipating the hard parts, the consequences that would certainly start to show face, and the grieving process to begin and to just freely receive all the blessings I was getting.

The lesson:
It hit me as I was brushing my teeth one morning. You would've laughed had you walked by my bathroom seeing my mouth full of toothpaste foam with a huge smile and tears streaming down my face.

Some time ago I had erroneously learned that love was something you needed to work for. Something as good as real love could not possibly come without a whole lotta effort. I had also learned that life was given to us to learn and grow and I found that the majority of my growth happened during difficult times. So I liked difficult times because I knew they would most likely make a better person out of me. But that morning brushing my teeth thinking about all the love I had felt over the previous 6 months, I realized that Heavenly Father was teaching me a couple more things:

1. Life is not only about learning but also about loving--both in the giving and receiving of it. I didn't need to constantly struggle in order to feel like I was living.

2. I didn't have to work for love. I didn't have to prove to be someone strong or smart or beautiful or exactly obedient in order to earn love. That this love I had been feeling wasn't a temporary benefit from being faithful or serving a mission or from any other spiritual achievement. This was His unconditional, LASTING love--free of charge. A love that existed before I could even walk or talk and a love that has always been there, waiting for me to accept it.

I know many people have given me unconditional love but until this point, I don't think I had ever learned to receive it as freely as it had been given to me. The lesson couldn't have come at a more perfect time as I stumbled wandering trying to regain my footing, needing to hold onto something steady like the absolute love from a perfect parent.

Part Two: Inspiration for the Place Between

2010-04-14T16:15:00.003-07:00

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.

Helen Keller

We are extending our arms around you during this tough time as I know many arms are holding you up also. Know that we send all our love and our prayers for you that you will pull through this. Let your family and friends keep you busy and share their concern and love for you. You are a strong woman. You are a capable woman. But you are also a soft, tenderhearted woman who needs love in her life and I know in time you will find it again.

Candy

Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do. He reveals to you who He is.

Oswald Chambers

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses... for when I am weak, then am I strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and we take a step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe one of two things will happen--there will be something solid to stand on, or we will be taught to fly.

Martin Edges

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

Helen Keller

Thou art never at any time nearer to God than when under tribulation, which he permits for the purification and beautifying of the soul.

Molinos

As you wage your personal wars, part of the strength to 'hang in there' comes from some glimpse, however faint and fleeting, of what victory can be. If your eyes are always on your shoelaces, if all you can see is this disappointment or that dilemma, then it really is quite easy to throw in the towel and stop the fight. But what if it is the fight of your life? Or more precisely what is it is the fight for your life, and your eternal life at that? What if beyond this disappointment of that dilemma you really can see and hope for all the best and right things that God has to offer. Oh, it may be blurred a bit by the perspiration that keeps running river-like into your eyes; but faintly, dimly, and ever so far away you can see the object of it all. And you say it is worth it, you do want it, you will fight on. Like Coriantumr, you will lean upon your sword to rest a while, then rise to fight again.

Jeffrey R. Holland

Life does not accommodate you, it shatters you. Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition.

Florida Scott Maxwell

Part One: Inspiration for The Place Between

2010-04-13T09:38:00.008-07:00

I am a quote junkie. I don't know what it is about words but I've always been fond of them. The following are quotes and letters people sent me while I gathered strength, hope, and courage:

You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.

Mary Tyler Moore

From someone who has been there before, I probably know a little of what you're going through. And I know it literally feels like hell. I'm sure there have been lots of tears, and there will be more to come--believe me. At random times, too. BUT, it gets better. A lot better. It will take some time, but I think you'll find that once you reach a certain point, each day is better than the next and you'll emerge a new person. So hang in there.

Ryan

It's not so much that we're afraid to change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear. It's like being in between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to."

Marilyn Fergeson

Sorrows are our best educators. A person can see further through a tear than a telescope. If you train yourself to rejoice in suffering, if you think that everything is done by God for one's own betterment and uplift, if you welcome pain as a messenger of God to make you remember Him...then pain will not be pain anymore.

Sivanda

The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time.

Abraham Lincoln

Ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in how own hands and prepared for you; and ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along... I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left... and mine angels shall be round about you, to bear you up... The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

Doctrine & Covenants 78:17-18, 84:88, 78:18

People who pray for miracles usually don't get miracles any more than children who pray for bicycles, good grades, or boyfriends get them as a result of praying. But people who pray for courage, for strength to bear the unbearable, for the grace to remember what they have left instead of what they have lost, very often find their prayers answered. They discover that they have more strength, more courage than they ever knew themselves to have.

Rabbi Harold S. Kushner

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Unplanning Life Update

2010-04-12T09:50:00.006-07:00

So I just got back from a very unplanned trip and had the time of my life. It's Friday, 2pm, I'm at our Friday Lunch Bunch and a friend proposes the idea of waking up tomorrow morning in California. So I say, why not?

So we hit the road at 5pm and drive out to Sacramento and now I have a few more things to add to my list:

56. Gambled at every stop with a casino in Nevada along I-80 making an 8-hour trip a 10.5-hour trip.

57. Over-corrected, spun out, and hit the center guard rail head on going 65mph flipping my car around to face the opposite direction with 2 semis headed right toward me... and didn't die or total my car.

58. Went to Ghirardelli Square (how many times have I been to San Francisco and never been there??)

59. Ordered my very first meal with fish in it - supposedly the best clam chowder in San Francisco

60. Flipped a coin to see about getting married in Reno and being in love in Wendover - turns out I am in love, just not enough to get married.
61. SAW WICKED!!!!

Unplanning Life

2010-04-08T18:44:00.007-07:00

I used to plan my life. I can't tell you how many times the Big Guy has tried to teach me to stop spending so much time planning and start living. Side note - there are only two types of references to "plan" in all of the Good Books: God's plan and the evil, secret, cunning plans of really bad people. So what do we learn from that? Leave it to God to plan - he's better at it anyway.

So I decided this was my year to stop being so anal. I wasn't going to let an opportunity to make some memories pass me by. I wasn't going to worry about if I had money or time or if I really should stay home and clean my room or put away Christmas decorations - I've decided to leave that for April's spring cleaning.

Living my life this way led me to experience so many things I had never done and has contributed to one of the best years I've ever had. Here is a list of 55 firsts I had in the past year:

Saw Broadway's The Lion King - thanks, Mom!
Learned to Zumba - loved watching the men stop their weightlifting routines to stare at all the women swinging their hips and shaking their bon-bons
Went to Moab
Hiked to Delicate Arch - one of the most breathtaking sites I've ever seen
Rafted down the Red River - took on a huge rock, the raft went up 90 degrees and flipped most of us off the raft
Played Things, Bananagrams, and Sedarahc - and have never laughed harder (see Things game with the fam below)
Had some wild kissing adventures on roller coasters - no further details available for the public
Went to a Kelly Clarkson concert - so fun to hear a whole crowd shouting my name
Got a promotion - became a director
Had my hope renewed and fell in love again - and again...
Lost 30 pounds I'll never see again unless there's a baby involved
Rode the Alpine Coaster, the Alpine Slide, and the Zipline in Park City
Went to a Jazz game and got put on the Jumbotron
Got internet on my phone - though I still wouldn't have it if I were paying for it
Spent the night in Flaming Gorge - and went on the biggest dam tour in Utah
Speed dated - and actually ended up with a good one!
Went to a horse race at the gorgeous Del Mar fairgrounds
Bet (and lost) on a horse race
Danced at a Zombie prom
Went to a Real game - almost convinced me to buy season tickets on the spot
Saw Broadways' Legally Blonde - trying to hold back from going blonde again
Rode a Harley
Burnt myself on a Harley
Played bocce ball on the beach at Coronado Island
Watched my aunts and uncles on The King Family Show on TV - PBS, baby!
Put on a Christmas fireside
Learned to play Roulette
Learned to play Craps and won $280 - secret is to press it and let it ride
Lost $600 playing Craps - lesson learned: do not do what your "expert" teachers do
Bought skis
Learned to snowboard - and though I was called a "natural" by my instructor, I have quite a few bumps and bruises that may prove otherwise
Said goodbye to Aunt Vonnie who taught me to live a colorful life and to be diligent in making important memories
Participated in a TV show rating audience - be grateful that the show we reviewed will not air based on our ratings
Sang karaoke at a bar
Threw an Oscar party
Visited Oregon
Visited Washington - decided I need to travel more this year
Went to a Bee's game
Rode in a Hummer limo and a diesel-powered GMC limo
Got glitter toes
Saw Cirque du Soleil's Ka
Went to Monster Jam - got put on the kiss cam
Saw Reel Big Fish in St. George
Went to Disney On Ice - well, the second half of it anyway
Signed up to play on a soccer team and played my first soccer game
Got an airbrush tan
Got eyelash extensions
Had some hair removed by laser - it's fine if you like feeling like rubber bands are snapping all over
Canoed on Utah Lake
Went to a piano bar and danced on a piano
Shopped for an engagement ring - twice!
Saw a film at the Sundance film festival
Ate shrimp, lobster, and sushi - hated it all
Got into hiphop - don't worry, I pay no attention to the lyrics
Saw Michael Buble - and fell in love

And 10 more things I'd like to do before 30:

Wakeboard - DONE! 6/14/10
Go on a cruise - Scheduled to the Caribbean 1/16/11
Go to Hawaii
Get scuba certified and go scuba diving (in process...)
See Wicked - DONE! 4/10/10
Run a 5k in an organized race - 1/2 marathon in September
Complete 90 days of P90x (done 12 days...)
Join a book club (start on Monday!!)
Go to Lake Powell - DONE! 5/30/10
Go to Italy - though I'd settle for Colorado or Seattle until I save enough $ - Did Colorado and Seattle 5/10, 8/10

What have you done this year?

Thank You, Facebook

2010-04-05T10:42:00.008-07:00

The absolute worst part of the whole transition was reinventing my social circle. I had spent the last three years developing awesome friendships with married folks. I don't have much family out here so they became my backbone. They were what helped my body get out of bed. They were so good at it in fact, I was ready to move out of Married-Single Limboland within a matter of weeks.

But where to begin? It was like being the new kid all over again. But this time, I felt more alone than ever. I was one of the last of my single friends to get married so there was hardly anyone I knew that I could call up and go to the movies or lunch or church with. Again, tons of offers from married friends but now our lives were so different. They began talking about their babies and husbands and I had nothing to add or talk about--I mean, besides standing in line at the Social Security Office to get my name changed, calling the bank to change accounts, packing up the rest of the stuff he left, taking down once-beautiful wedding pictures and throwing out old love letters and other mementos--stuff I'm sure woulda been GREAT conversation starters!

So, I spent a lot of those first few transition nights alone. Facebook became my best friend. It had open doors 24/7 and lots of people inside. And I didn't even have to feel alone because no one had to know that I was even there. I could handle sitting on my couch at home by myself but feeling alone in public is one of the worst things the human body can experience in my opinion.

Facebook let me say what I wanted to. It didn't have any expectations of me. It didn't need me to entertain it or carry on a conversation. I didn't have to smile when I saw it. It didn't need me to be interested in wanting to know about its life or what it did for a living or where it was from. Not that I was against doing that kind of stuff with real people it's just that that takes effort, energy, and COURAGE--things I wasn't sure I had back yet.

Facebook made me laugh at funny things people would say. I could comment or, requiring even less, "like" something someone would say and that was that. Not much energy or effort expended there yet it filled my need for laughter and to connect with something.

Facebook also let me stalk profiles of people my married friends wanted to set me up with--a whole new modern-day dating technique that I would soon learn is the norm in today's Singledom. It was the stepping stone to putting myself out there again. I learned how to flirt again through Facebook's chat. I reconnected with single friends and former crushes. I learned how to tell my story to strangers. I was able to stay updated and keep in touch with my married friends yet without having to feel so awkward about being with them as the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel.

As I slowly regained my social energy and began meeting people, I soon found myself adding some of the most awesome people I've ever met. People who make me laugh yet don't need me to entertain them. People who let me say what I want. People who only expect nothing more than for me to be willing to have a good time. People who want me around and who will also be there when I need a shoulder to cry on.

I admit, I probably don't need to use Facebook now as much as I actually do (understatement of the year) but it has certainly been there for me when I needed it.

Thank you, Facebook.

Stick-to-it-iveness

2010-04-02T09:40:00.009-07:00

I hated fifth grade.

After earning high test scores, I was accepted into the Gifted and Talented Education program. In my little egocentric 9-year-old world, I felt like a million bucks--neither of my older brothers had been accepted nor had any of my friends. I felt special. I felt like being smart was my talent and now I had proof!

Not once was I worried about feeling stupid in a class full of super smart kids or feeling like a nerd at this new school knowing that the rest of the normal kids knew we were the "GATE Geeks." At recess watching hundreds of other children playing dodgeball and cat-and-mouse and four-square, I didn't realize how lonely not only being the new kid but the smart new kid could be. Not once did I think about missing my friends that I would have to leave at Crestmont Elementary. Or the amazing teachers I had loved so much. I didn't think about how lame it would be to NOT learn normal subjects like math, science, and reading, but to spend nearly all day every day learning about stupid spaceships and NASA.

I felt all those things.

I came home from school crying many days begging my parents to let me go back to Crestmont. I remember one day in particular crying on the stairs by the front door once again trying to negotiate with my mom. She held me and let me cry. She didn't try and stop my tears nor did she say silly things like, "It will get better" or, "It's not as hard as you think," or even, "Let's focus on the good stuff." She didn't offer to see what she could do about transferring schools or doing anything else I had wanted her to do. All I remember her saying as she held me is this: You committed to going to GATE so let's stick it out for this year. At the end of the year you can make the decision on whether to continue or go back to Crestmont.

I should've hated her for that, especially because waiting til the end of the school year for a fifth grader is like waiting for an eternity. But her calming tone of voice, her embrace, and her love comforted me for the moment. She did all she could the remainder of the year to help ease the pain I felt. She went on class field trips, she came up with the idea and volunteered herself to head up a huge musical production that only our class performed for the rest of the school (which in turn made me one of the most popular girls in my class because, who wouldn't love my mom?), she sent me to school with love notes in my lunchbox and made 5th grade much more manageable.

I didn't recognize all the lessons I learned that year from her actions until 20 years later. It finally hit me in all its profoundness a few days after I made the decision to get a divorce. The messages I received from friends and family who had heard of my decision were echos of what my mom gave her 10-year old daughter that day on the stairway. Nobody took away from the pain I was feeling. No one tried to protect me from it, though many wished they could. But they made it much more manageable with their open arms and unconditional love. It was surprisingly reassuring to receive validation that this was going to be hard. Maybe because I knew what a great support system I had--that I knew I wouldn't be alone. People immediately stepped in with notes and plates of cookies and visits and phone calls and text messages. They listened and they let me cry. Many even cried with me.

It certainly is ironic that I would recall a lesson of learning stick-to-it-iveness at a time when I was ending something, moreover something sacred like a marriage. I had felt so guilty about even considering divorce that I tried to avoid all talk of it. I had a very spiritual experience a few days before I made the decision to get divorced wherein I learned that I indeed had given my marriage everything I had. There were a lot of times I came home crying not knowing what to do but because of the character my mom helped me develop, I stuck to it, trying everything I knew how to make it more manageable. But it was the end of the year and it was time for me to make a decision.

I am beyond grateful for the many lessons I have learned from both my marriage and my divorce. I am even more grateful for earthly parents who taught me the harder lessons--the ones that would require a lot more pain and suffering but would bring the most joy in the end.

The Essential Break-Up Toolkit

2010-03-29T12:06:00.017-07:00

In honor of being single for almost a year now, over the next few weeks I'll (hopefully) be posting some things I've learned, done, and received over the past 4 seasons.

The first is "The Essential Break-up Toolkit" that was written by one of the therapists I used to work with. Though every break-up is different, I loved a lot of the advice she had to share (I've added my own comments with **):

Being a connoisseur of break-ups, I have put together a little arsenal of badass weapons to help any sister friend through the devastation of losing the lover you loved. Read the right stuff, eat the right foods, talk to the right people and so on, and you should make a full recovery. I promise.

First: delete, delete, delete. Delete the emails, vm's, texts, facebook accounts and so on. Block IM conversational options. Don't leave an electronic trail of your romance. Rip the band-aid off. Technology is just as good as keeping you apart as it was at bringing you together.

Next, read literature that emboldens you to stay strong rather than cave in, like this poem:

Poor Girl by Maya Angelou

You've got another love
and I know it
Someone who adores you
just like me
Hanging on your words
like they were gold
Thinking that she understands
your soul
Poor Girl
Just like me.You're breaking another heart
and I know it
And there's nothing
I can do
If I try to tell her
what I know
She'll misunderstand
and make me go
Poor Girl
Just like me.
You're going to leave her too and I know it
She'll never know
what made you go
She'll cry and wonder
what went wrong
Then she'll begin
to sing this song
Poor Girl
Just like me.

Eat this:

And eat it all as much as you want. Comfort food exists for a reason. Play it up while you can. **I usually spend a day or two doing this then hit the gym HARDCORE. Looking good and feeling good about how you look always shortens the length of suffering time.

Listen to ridiculous pop music that conveys your overly dramatic sense of anger/revenge/"I am so much better off without you." I recommend Top 40 sensations like:

P!NK's "So What"

Britney's "Womanizer"
Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy"
Katy Perry's "Hot & Cold"
**Enrique Iglesias' "Takin' Back My Love"
**Kristinia DeBarge's "Goodbye"
**Frou Frou's "Holding Out for a Hero"

Don't listen to any legitimate music, it will only romanticize what you once had and stir sadness in your loins and other parts of your body.

Call Dr. Laura. Excuse my language, but she's a real bitch! I actually hate the woman. But I promise if you call her, she'll point out all the reasons you're stupid for still loving that idiot of an ex of yours. Her abuse might cure in this case. I'm just sayin'...

Watch things that will make you laugh. I recommend:

Compare yourself to other bad break-ups, and remember it could be worse.

Run, kick-box, climb a mountain, whatever. Just do something that makes you feel tough.

Engage in retail, spa, and sleep therapies. Treat yourself, lady. You deserve it.

What I have to say next will likely not be pleasant to your pretty eyes. After you've done all this, you need to be really sad and feel your feelings and all that junk. Cry lots, say sad prayers to The Big Guy, call your friends and family to talk about your feelings. You already know what music, movies, and poetry to view to help you out with this.

As a break-up expert, I promise you it gets better after all that. You will start dating good looking and interesting people and remember how awesome you are. You'll feel so much better that you'll even be willing to risk falling in love and the possibility of getting your heart stomped on again. Twisted, huh? But still kinda cool.

*If my tool kit doesn't work out, you can't sue me

Seriously?

2009-09-18T08:57:00.001-07:00

I think I need to unsubscribe from these emails because I don't think I'll ever be cool enough to dress like this:

Running in the Opposite Direction

2009-08-28T08:31:00.006-07:00

Is it just me or does anyone else think this is the ugliest outfit known to mankind? Okay, okay, so that may be a little dramatic but this same girl with this same outfit has been in every email promotion that I've received from New York & Co. for the past 2 weeks (which is actually a lot of emails) and all it makes me want to do is go to the mall, see their store and then run in the opposite direction.

The funniest part may be the title of the email, "It Pays to Have the Whole Look."

Get Inspired

2009-08-03T09:02:00.004-07:00

I know I've been avoiding posting anything other than videos lately and I believe most of you blog followers (all three of you) know why. But I have decided to start posting again so stay tuned for more frequent updates!!

In the meantime, get inspired...

Small and Simple Souls

2009-05-18T10:36:00.002-07:00

I know I've been posting a lot of videos lately and believe me, once I find my camera charger I'll be back posting pictures and other fun stuff! I saw this last night and was truly inspired!

"But all things must come to pass in their time. Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."
D&C 64:32-33

My Too-Short Trip to California

2009-05-07T10:01:00.008-07:00

My brother and sister-in-law (Seth and Kristina) recently bought a house and had a lot of work to do painting, updating, and doing some demo work before moving in. So I decided since I hadn't seen them in a while, I would fly down there and help them paint/watch my little nephews. Plus, my mom was flying down and I got to stay a couple nights with the newlyweds, Ian and Lis. It was so much fun seeing everyone though I didn't think to take pictures of everyone or of the new house or our paint jobs but I did however get to grab a few shots of my two most adorable nephews!

After church on Sunday, we got to ichat with Ryan, Lyndsey, and Sadie. Mason sang to his cousin Sadie one of the songs he's learning in Primary. My favorite are the hand movements.

This may be what I'll miss the most: Owen's laugh. He practically laughs at anything you do but all his laughs sound so genuine... and contagious!

I miss these two so much already!! But now that Seth and Kristina's new house has a guest bedroom, maybe they'll invite me to come stay with them more often!

You Knew it Was Coming!

2009-04-11T07:38:00.002-07:00

An Easter Message from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. Happy Easter everyone!

Not to Get All Mormon On You, But...

2009-03-16T08:00:00.004-07:00

I LOVE these two videos! Actually, I just subscribed to the Mormon Messages channel on YouTube and I haven't watched a video yet that I didn't love.

And another on why Mormons build temples:

We Got Screwed

2009-03-05T11:57:00.008-07:00

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while and since there are no fun parties this week, here's my chance.

I really love where I live. Convenient location, beautiful mountain backdrop, cute San Francisco-like houses...

Nice pool and spa...

Beautiful clubhouse...

But then they had to go and screw it up--literally! Do you see him?

AFTER all the houses had been built and sold, after a year or two of promising to put in a NICE fountain to crown the center of our beautiful courtyard, this is the fountain they come up with? It's a man made out of metal screws, do-dads, and whatchamacallits with a head made out of what looks like a metal army helmet complete with a light bulb inside that shines boldly at night for everyone to see what he's holding...

A metal American flag. Actually now that I look at it, the picture above looks like a glorified janitor with his bucket mopping up the overflowed bathroom. Maybe we should just go ahead and replace the flag with a metal mop.

Now don't get me wrong, I am patriotic and I'd expect to see something like this erected at a downtown city center right after 9/11 or to commemorate 9/11 or even having nothing to do with 9/11. And, I probably would've thought it was cool and interesting. But it just doesn't fit our neighborhood, and it's definitely NOT the vision of the crowning centerpiece of our community that all of us had in mind. Nor is it much of a fountain. Am I wrong? We've been trying to come up with a name for our little fugly fountain. Any ideas?

Everything's Amazing, Nobody's Happy

2009-02-04T11:28:00.005-07:00

My cousin Noelle sent this to me and I had to share it with you:

Watch more SpikedHumor videos on AOL Video

"We live in an amazing, amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots."

Why You Need A Gmail Account

2009-01-29T11:07:00.006-07:00

If you don't already have one, you need a Gmail account for one reason alone.

The scenario: You send out an email to a group of people from church or your book club, your study group, your fellow American Idol groupies or whoever. One by one, they reply and before you know it, you've got 25 messages in your inbox all centered around the first email you sent out. You obviously don't need to go through all 25 messages to hear what people have to say. Most have learned to read the most recent one and then scroll down the page to read the entire conversation.

Three problems with this: Sometimes it gets confusing as to who said what and when; second, if you scroll down the page you're essentially reading the conversation backwards and rereading the same original text over and over again; and third, you still have to go in and delete a bunch of email messages you don't want to flood your inbox when it's all right there in the last email. Your email might look something like this (notice 5 different replies to the same message filling up his/her inbox):

Gmail has solved all of these problems. I'm still surprised at how many of my family and friends have not transitioned over to using Google's Gift to Mankind.

First, Gmail recognizes that an email belongs to a certain conversation so it groups any response together in ONE email. In this example, you see that there has been (11) responses to the original email:

Click on the email and then it will open the grouped messages hiding any text you've already read, and telling exactly who said what and at what time. It even assigns different colors to different people so that you can easily find what someone said throughout the conversation:

And lastly, once you've read all the replies, if you receive another response later on, when you click on the message again, it will condense all former conversation threads you've already read and go right to the one you haven't.

For some of you, I'm sure I've confused you and made it sound like Gmail is the most complex thing in the world. All I can say is that if you don't have a Gmail account, you need one. Try it and you'll soon be just as in love as I am.

So What Does Elton John Think?

2008-11-13T08:16:00.014-07:00

I really don't want a discussion on this but I thought this was a refreshing opinion that needed to be shared, though it does not take away from the sympathy I feel for those who may disagree.

Elton John: Where Prop 8 Went Wrong
By Donna Freydkin, USA TODAY

NEW YORK — Elton John, accompanied by his longtime partner, David Furnish, had some choice words about California's Proposition 8, the ban on same-sex marriage that passed on Nov. 4.

In December 2005, John and Furnish tied the knot in a civil partnership ceremony in Windsor, England. But, clarified the singer, "We're not married. Let's get that right. We have a civil partnership. What is wrong with Proposition 8 is that they went for marriage. Marriage is going to put a lot of people off, the word marriage."

John and Furnish, and their two cocker spaniels, Marilyn and Arthur, were in town for Tuesday's annual benefit for the Elton John AIDS Foundation.

"I don't want to be married. I'm very happy with a civil partnership. If gay people want to get married, or get together, they should have a civil partnership," John says. "The word 'marriage,' I think, puts a lot of people off.

"You get the same equal rights that we do when we have a civil partnership. Heterosexual people get married. We can have civil partnerships."

Here's the link if you'd like to see comments to the story.

My commentary: It made me think about how marriage these days to a lot of people carries many negative connotations as does divorce and being a divorcee. I was thinking about civil partnerships and what happens when civil partnerships end--do they say they are divorced? I am guessing no. Which made me think that perhaps one day we will find heterosexuals fighting for civil partnerships so they don't have to get married/divorced!

Why I'm Voting Democrat

2008-11-06T08:44:00.003-07:00

I'm sorry if this offends anyone, I found it on the Romney for 2012 Facebook group and thought it was hilarious!

I'm voting Democrat because English has no place being the official language in America.

I'm voting Democrat because I'd rather pay $4 for a gallon of gas than allow drilling for oil off the coasts of America.

I'm voting Democrat because I think the government will do a better job of spending my money than I could.

I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq, I know the Islamic terrorists will stop trying to kill us because they'll think we're a good and decent country.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe people who can't tell us if it will rain in two or three days, can now tell us the polar ice caps will disappear in ten years if I don't start riding a bicycle, build a windmill or inflate my tires to proper levels.

I'm voting Democrat because it's alright to kill millions of babies as long as we keep violent, convicted murderers on death row alive.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe businesses in America should not be allowed to make profits. Businesses should just break even and give the rest to the government so politicians and bureaucrats can redistribute the money the way they think it should be redistributed.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe guns, and not the people misusing them, are the cause of crimes and killings.

I'm voting Democrat because when someone with a weapon threatens my family or me, I know the government can respond faster through a call to 911 than I can with a gun in my hand.

I'm voting Democrat because oil companies' 5% profit on a gallon of gas are obscene, but government taxes of 18% on the same gallon of gas are just fine.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe three or four elitist liberals should rewrite the Constitution every few months to suit some fringe element that could never get their agenda past voters.

I'm voting Democrat because illegal aliens are not criminals, are not sucking up resources through government aid, hospital services, education, or social services, but are just people trying to make a better life by coming to America illegally. We can't blame them for that, can we?

I'm voting Democrat because now I can now marry whatever I want, so I've decided to marry my horse.

I'm voting Democrat because I have no idea how socialism works, how universal health care works, but I don't want to work and when I get sick from overeating and general laziness, I want a hard working doctor to work on me and then have the same doctor pay my bill by his raised taxes.

Makes ya wonder why anyone would ever vote Republican, doesn't it?

Twilight Reader's Wrist

2008-10-09T09:30:00.006-07:00

All day yesterday I noticed my right wrist was particularly sore. I tried to think of all the things I had been doing at the gym lately but none of them explained why only one wrist would be sore.

That night, as I snuggled up to get comfy in bed, I assumed the position I had been used to the past couple nights lying on my right side facing my bedside lamp, propped up on my right elbow WITH MY HEAD RESTING ON MY WRIST so I could read the next few chapters of Breaking Dawn.

To be honest, I haven't been thrilled with the Twilight series. I just don't like her style of writing. Don't get me wrong, I know some of you are addicted and can't get enough (and I understand) but in my opinion, the writing is WAY too slow, WAY overly descriptive (do I really need to know how narrow Edward's eyes are after EACH spoken and unspoken word?!), I can't stand Bella, and I don't like the inconsistency with Bella and most of the other characters.

However, this final book in her series, Breaking Dawn, is somewhat different than the rest (because something actually happens during the first 300 pages) and I'm finding I have a hard time putting it down--hence, the Twilight Reader's Wrist. I did hear the ending is kind of lame so I'm not looking forward to that!

And while we're on the venting-about-Stephenie-Meyer topic (and I know most of you have stopped reading because you're so upset with me now), I did download the 279 pages of Midnight Sun--which is Twilight rewritten from Edward's perspective--that were illegally leaked out on the internet. Supposedly, Meyer was so upset because her rights as an author had been violated that she just couldn't possibly finish the book. First of all, how hard is it to finish a book to which you already know the entire plotline and ending? Second, if this is her way of punishing that one person who leaked the partial book, she's really punishing herself because of the almost four and a half Twilight books I've read, Midnight Sun is by far the best and the ONLY one she should win any kind of award for, IMHO.

Again, I know the majority of my readers will disagree with me and love the Twilight books but you know how I've never been able to hide an opinion before... why start now? ;) Oh and please, I welcome ALL of your comments on the subject matter.

To Have or To Have Not... Done

2008-08-05T15:03:00.006-07:00

To reassure those that think bloggers are a bunch of egocentric, self-involved narcissists, I decided to hop on this blog post's bandwagon and talk about 200 things I have or have not done... as if I believed those that happened upon my blog really care. I decided to do something different though. Because I believe this came from one person's 200-item bucket list, I'm really commenting on his or her list and not my own. So, to be even more egocentric, I've replaced 20 of the list items and added 10 things that I think half the people I know haven't done, and 10 things that I haven't done but want to do someday. So, here's 200 random things I have or have not done...the bolds I have done, the red and not bolds I have not.

1. Touched an iceberg
2. Slept under the stars
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby's diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said "I love you" and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Held a lamb
25. Gone skinny dipping
26. Taken an ice cold bath
27. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
28. Seen a total eclipse
29. Ridden a roller coaster
30. Hit a home run
31. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
32. Adopted an accent for fun
33. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
34. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment
35. Loved your job 90% of the time
36. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
37. Watched wild whales
38. Gone rock climbing
39. Gone on a walk on the beach
40. Gone sky diving
41. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
42. Bench-pressed your own weight
43. Milked a cow
44. Alphabetized your personal files
45. Worn a superhero costume
46. Sung karaoke
47. Lounged around in bed all day
48. Gone scuba diving
49. Kissed in the rain
50. Played in the mud
51. Gone to a drive-in theater
52. Done something you regret
53. Visited the Great Wall of China
54. Started a business
55. Been in a movie
56. Gone without food for 3 days
57. Made cookies from scratch
58. Won first prize in a costume contest
59. Got flowers for no reason
60. Spoken more than one language fluently
61. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
62. Bounced a check
63. Read and understood your credit report
64. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
65. Called or written your Congress person
66. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
67. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
68. Helped an animal give birth
69. Been fired or laid off from a job
70. Won money
71. Broken a bone
72. Ridden a motorcycle
73. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
74. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
75. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
77. Had your picture in the newspaper
78. Read the Bible cover to cover
79. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
80. Gone back to school
81. Changed your name
82. Eaten fried green tomatoes
83. Read The Iliad
84. Taught yourself an art from scratch
85. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
86. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
87. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
88. Been elected to public office
89. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
90. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
91. Dyed your hair
92. Rocked a baby to sleep
93. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all four
94. Raked your carpet
95. Worn a mood ring
96. Ridden a horse
97. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
98. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe
99. Buried a child
100. Gone to a Broadway play
101. Been inside the pyramids
102. Shot a basketball into a basket
103. Danced at a disco
104. Played in a band
105. Shot a bird
106. Gone to an arboretum
107. Tutored someone
108. Ridden a train
109. Brought an old fad back into style
110. Eaten caviar
111. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need
112. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
113. Published a book
114. Pieced a quilt
115. Lived in a historic place
116. Acted in a play or performed on a stage
117. Asked for a raise
118. Made a hole-in-one mini golfing
119. Gone deep sea fishing
120. Gone roller skating
121. Run a marathon
122. Learned to surf
123. Invented something
124. Flown first class
125. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury hotel
126. Sang a solo
127. Gone spelunking
128. Learned how to take a compliment
129. Written a love-story
130. Seen Michelangelo’s David
131. Had your portrait painted
132. Written a fan letter
133. Spent the night in something haunted
134. Ran away
135. Learned to juggle
136. Been a boss
137. Sat on a jury
138. Lied about your weight
139. Gone on a diet
140. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
141. Written a poem
142. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox
143. Gotten food poisoning
144. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
145. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
146. Gone to the opera
147. Gotten a letter from someone famous
148. Worn knickers
149. Ridden in a limousine
150. Attended the Olympics
151. Can hula or waltz
152. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
153. Been stuck in an elevator
154. Had a revelatory dream
155. Thought you might crash in an airplane
156. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert
157. Saved someone’s life
158. Eaten raw whale
159. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
160. Laughed till your side hurt
161. Straddled the equator
162. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
163. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
164. Sent a message in a bottle
165. Spent the night in a hostel
166. Been a cashier
167. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
168. Joined a union
169. Donated blood
170. Built a campfire
171. Kept a blog
172. Had hives
173. Worn custom made shoes or boots
174. Made a PowerPoint Presentation
175. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course
176. Served at a soup kitchen
177. Conquered the Rubik’s cube
178. Known CPR
179. Gone fishing
180. Found a long lost friend
181. Voted for a contestant on American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance
182. Successfully convinced someone you were of a different nationality
183. Received a promotion
184. Movie-hopped (Gone to two movies in a theater and only paying for the first movie)
185. Planned a surprise party for someone
186. Beaten all levels of a video game
187. Driven more than 2,500 miles on a cross-country trip
188. Cried yourself to sleep
189. Stayed awake for more than 24 hours
190. Crossed a national border by car
191. Been to an exotic island
192. Been completely out of debt (student loans, house, and all)
193. Read a book from the Twilight series (see post below)
194. Traveled to Italy
195. Given birth
196. Found a bra that fits perfectly
197. Learned to meditate
198. Owned your dream car
199. Learned to love eating raw vegetables
200. Seen all 50 states

Time for a Change

2008-08-01T11:59:00.001-07:00

Let's be honest, it was time for an update and the old blog was hard to read.

Not a Twilight Fan

2008-07-24T10:15:00.006-07:00

I am so mad at the upcoming Twilight movie and all the hub-bub surrounding its release. Though even with all the hype I haven't conjured up enough curiosity to actually open one of the books, I've come quite close. But because they're quite addicting (or so you tell me), I'm waiting for the appropriate time when my life will allow me to have an addiction... besides the one I have to frozen yogurt. Anyway, back to my anger: because I've seen so many photos of the to-be vampire supposed-man-of-my-dreams Robert Pattinson, I can't possibly fall for Edward now. And yes, I do realize I'm talking a little crazy about having feelings for some fictional character of a story I have yet to read, and now since I'm blogging about it, it seems like a much bigger deal than it actually is but HE'S JUST NOT MY TYPE. And now my stupid head I'm sure will put him in as Edward no matter how hard I try to imagine someone else if I ever do get around to reading the books.

Best Blog Application Ever

2008-07-14T09:00:00.009-07:00

The list of blogs I like to keep updated on grows longer and longer as more and more people are starting to blog. About three months ago, I was bored at work (once again) so I started going through my list of blogs to see who had posted updates. Well, it must have been a boring day for many because to my disappointment, there was hardly any new information. So I started a search of applications that notify you when blogs have been updated to save all that "precious time" I had wasted because surely someone else has had a similar frustrating moment... someone who also has the knowledge to create computer applications! To my dismay, my search ended fruitlessly. And then, a few months later, a miracle happened! The people at blogspot (probably the same group of people who keep stealing my ideas and who made watermelon square) posted a new application that notifies you of your friends' blog updates! If you haven't already added it, it's a must have!

The only downside is that it can't update you on private blogs. Though I'm sure they'll figure some way around that as well! Check it out ------->

Time For a Blog Scavenger Hunt!

2008-07-07T11:17:00.005-07:00

My friend, Smash, recently wrote about a new blog she happened upon. It's definitely worth checking out!

Watermelons - A Seasonal Favorite

2008-07-02T14:53:00.008-07:00

A round watermelon can take up a lot of room in a refrigerator and the usually round fruit often sits awkwardly on refrigerator shelves. Smart Japanese farmers have forced their watermelons to grow into a square shape by inserting the melons into square, tempered glass cases while the fruit is still growing on the vine.

I am an idea generator and I probably thought of this idea once. However, I suck at putting my ideas into motion. Therefore, I need to move to Japan. Then I could be a millionaire.

Now, THAT'S Creativity!

2008-06-10T07:15:00.011-07:00

My mom forwarded this email to me yesterday and rather than forwarding it on to people who don't like forwards, I thought this was cool enough to post here.

The artist's name is Guido Daniele and I guess it takes him about 4 hours to do each hand. The two-handed eagle took him 10 hours. Amazing! Here are some of my faves:

TAG!

2008-05-27T09:05:00.012-07:00

Jessica tagged me and I'm so excited because I have absolutely nothing to do at work today. So, I decided to find a "tagging activity" that would take a little longer (Thanks Monica!)...

1. My name:

2. A place I'd like to travel to:

3. Favorite food:
4. Favorite dessert(s):

5. Favorite restaurant:

6. Favorite animal:
7. Favorite place to think:
8. Favorite singer:
9. Place I was born:

10. My job as I dream it:

11. My job in reality:

12. Favorite books:

13. Favorite color:

14. Bad habit:15. Favorite object:

16. Favorite music:

I tag Erin R., Amanda C., Katie S., and Amy A.

Oh Boy...

2008-04-30T09:30:00.006-07:00

Just when I thought I finally had time to post about Chile, I realized my pictures are on my laptop at home. Wah Wah Wah...

But while we're on the subject of Chile, has anyone ever thought where it got it's name? Some people say that it's from some Native American chief's name or some word that means "end of the world" but I think it's a bit more obvious...

Sometimes I Hate My Job

2008-04-24T08:31:00.005-07:00

So yesterday I go to this business expo where I received a pile of SWAG--Stuff (or some other S-word) We All Get. Going through my bag o' SWAG this morning, I am introduced to a new piece of See's Candies called the Awesome Walnut Square Bar.It's 9:45am, just about time for my morning chocolate craving and so I think, walnuts, dark chocolate, small package, can't be that bad, right? I look on the back of the package and what to my wondering eyes should appear but 18 grams of fat and 240 calories, my dear! That's like an extra hour on the treadmill for something that will satisfy me for maybe 20 minutes!

How can something so free be so bad for you?

In Honor of Grandma "La Donna"

2008-02-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

In honor of my late grandmother, Donna King Conkling (or La Donna or Glam-ma as we affectionately called her), I've decided to start selling jewelry doing jewelry parties. Now I haven't worn much jewelry since my mission I think mostly because I get so frustrated buying jewelry from Walmart or Target and either losing an earring or having a necklace break two days after I buy it. And to think of it, even in my height of jewelry wearing days, most of the stuff I wore I borrowed from my roommates! But my sister-in-law Karissa introduced me to this company called Lia Sophia.

At first, I thought, Glamma would've loved this stuff (meaning, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing this because it's way beyond the class of glamorousness that I can pull off--and yes, glamorousness really is word and I'm sure Grandma used it often!). On top of that, looking at the prices I was a little discouraged because it wasn't exactly what I paid for my Target jewelry, let alone in my jewelry borrowing days. But then, the jewelry advisor mentioned the Lifetime Replacement Guarantee where I can return ANYTHING at ANY TIME for ANY REASON and receive a full refund or gift certificate for the amount I purchased it for.

So then I thought, I can get high-quality fashionable jewelry with a better-than-Walmart/Nordstrom's return policy? Considering the fact that I must wear something one time before deciding whether or not to keep it, I was indeed intrigued at this point. And since the start-up kit to sell the jewelry was less than the cost of a few pair of earrings and the start-up kit included 24, that's right I said TWENTY-FREAKIN-FOUR pieces of their most popular jewelry pieces, and the fact that I can make money and be my own boss and get major tax write-offs because of it all? I was sold.

Now I just have to call on Grandma's spirit to have the confidence to pull off wearing this stuff. I must say, in the last week, I have felt pretty glamorous!

I love you Grandma and miss you dearly.

Happiness is the Consequence of Personal Effort

2008-01-24T11:17:00.002-07:00

I've been able to do a lot of reading lately... of course in the bathtub. I've included an excerpt from the brilliant book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I keep remembering one of my Guru's teachings about happiness. She says that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't, you will leak away in your innate contentment. It's easy enough to pray when you're in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.

And Here are 31 (More) Flavors of Kelly

2007-09-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

I can watch reruns of Friends, Will & Grace, The Office and Arrested Development over and over and laugh at jokes I've laughed at hundred times.
I’d rather be stranded on a desert island than have to leave someone stranded. Though few times I’ve helped someone on the side of the street who are having apparent car trouble.
I don’t laugh when I watch Seinfeld.
If I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing, I have a hard time getting motivated to do it. Now that I write that, it seems pretty normal.
I can also eat baked potatoes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
I have spent over $6,000 on fixing my car in the last 2 years and I only paid $9,000 for it 6 years ago. Does that make it a $15,000 car?
I love being social but feel I have few friends.
I love going to the beach but hate going into the ocean.
I love skiing and sledding and watching the snow fall but generally dislike being in the snow.
I want to visit Colorado, Oregon, and Washington so I can say why I want to live there when I’m older.
I often turn on the TV not to watch it but just to avoid feeling completely alone.
I have many strong beliefs but love to talk to and learn about people who don’t share similar beliefs.
I believe that God is very aware of his children, loves them dearly, and still allows miracles to happen.
My very first crush was on Disney’s Robin Hood--the cartoon fox.
I feel I look my best in collared shirts.
I love anything banana or apple flavored or scented.
Reading self-help books makes me feel normal.
I have never had a job longer than a year.
I love colors.
I have never seen the original Star Wars movies.
Occasionally, when I’m in awkward physical positions (laying down, upside-down, etc.) or when it’s funny enough, I’ll snort when I laugh.
I want to name my first daughter Olivia and I’ve wanted this way before Olivia was ever a popular girl’s name.
I used to get called Freckle Face and Olive Oyl (when they found out my middle name) in elementary school.
I have eaten cow stomach, horse tongue, rabbit, duck, and lamb and understand why people are vegetarians.
I used to wear jewelry all the time but ever since my mission, I have a really hard time wearing anything but earrings.
I still remember the first time (and I think the last time) I stole something. It was a Funshine Care Bear magnet from the grocery store when I was 4.
I am fond of strong smells… even the notoriously bad ones like the cattle ranch, farts, geysers, gasoline, etc.
My favorite scent is the smell of wet cement. I used to lie by the pool and lick the cement so I could just lay stomach-down smelling it.
I am often in the best mood when I’m out eating with my husband.
I am fascinated by and love all my brothers but wish I knew them better.
I find experience inspiring and can often learn something from anything.

The List About Me

2007-09-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

My friend Erin inspired me to write a list about myself. So here's the starting 25... I'm up to 67 and it grows everyday!

I adopt people’s pet peeves. When someone tells me “I hate it when…” I make sure I don’t do, say, or become something they hate. This has led me to unwrinkle bent and folded corner pages of books, to not text someone I can call, and always make sure the toilet paper end is left hanging over the top of the roll.
I dislike it when people stop to make a right turn and feel they must wait for the light to turn green to go.
I don't like stoplights without protected green arrows (which means I dislike most of Utah’s traffic lights). I mean you wait so long for the light to turn green and then when it finally does, you have to wait again and it’s unsure of whether or not you’ll even be able to go!
I dislike the social pressure I feel when at a crosswalk on a street with absolutely NO cars, to wait with the rest of the people until the “Walk” sign flashes instead of going like I normally would in that situation on a “Don’t Walk” signal.
I love driving. But not down 400 South.
I don't like getting maps off the internet to try and navigate myself through Utah. How can Mapquest navigate you all the way across the country but has a hard time giving good enough directions to get you around a Utah neighborhood?
I could eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and have)!
I don’t feel guilty about eating a whole Ben & Jerry’s pint of ice cream if it’s the low-fat frozen yogurt kind (even if it only lighter by like 2 grams of fat).
I love changing my hair style.
I can’t stand going more than a day without washing my hair.
I love volunteering (and often volunteer my husband and my mom, too!).
Most times I have to sleep on my right side.
I LOVE buying kettle corn at carnivals and nachos at ballgames.
I keep a running list of things I want to do as a parent, wife, friend, etc.
I collect quotes.
I feel I am a different person around my family and they either see me as I really am or they don’t see me how I see myself. Either way, I feel the impression I give off is a negative one. And either way, I need to change.
I feel the need to change often.
I fall asleep during almost any movie I lay (or is it lie?) down to watch after 10.
But I could stay awake forever watching the stars.
I can’t stand when one nail breaks off and now my nails are uneven so I break or chew them all off to be the same length.
I don't like fakeness. I don’t deal well with people who say one thing or act one way but really feel like saying or doing another.
I don’t enjoy watching drama series on TV where if you didn’t watch episode 1, season 1, there’s no way you will be able to jump in and understand what’s going on now.
And even if I did watch episode 1, I still don’t think I’d enjoy watching television drama series.
Though I LOVE gameshows and reality TV shows (except for all the sick and twisted pornographic ones).
This would narrow it down to the fact that I love The Amazing Race, American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, and The Biggest Loser.